Andy and I keep telling each other that we are flying too close to the sun. I call this stage of life "Project Icarus" Fundamentally, we don't really have enough childcare to cover the work we are doing, or the hobbies we have. We will have enough childcare in June, but we are leaning heavily into using flexi time, using compressed hours, annual leave, and a shifting assortment of days and hours to get our work life done.
I'm never sure where the balance of "being flexible" meets "give up immediately". Sure, I love having a structure and a plan and goals, but I can also really quickly abandon all of it to watch kids. On Monday we ended up home with everyone after Ezra had a tummy bug at night. Thankfully Lily was in nursery all day, so we were just managing 3 kids and via swapping get everything done in work. On Tuesday we sent Ezra to school, where we were told at 9:05 to come collect him as he was on a 48 hour sickness exclusion (I thought it was 36 hours, oops!). Now we had 4 kids at home all day, so I spent my day helping and working and helping and working and waiting for the next chaos. It was pretty hard to focus on work, or on kids. I caught up on work in the evening instead of a sports date with my friend.
On Wednesday I went to the office all day. I have not been to the office since December. It was good to go and see people, but I got basically no work done. Andy said that one of the weird things about being mostly remote is that when you go to an office every day you get used to doing work in an office, and when you go to an office almost never you get used to the office being an unproductive social day. This is probably very true - I bet people in the office more were accomplishing far more work than I was. My in office day was definitely less productive than my least productive work from home day.
Today Andy and I were supposed to go mountain biking (we both booked annual leave for our March adventure - a double date actually, with a couple we get on with super well) but unfortunately Ezra wasn't healthy enough to go to school. Our nanny was here with Aubrey and Clara and Lily, but we couldn't really leave her with a poorly Ezra as well. At the last minute we changed around and Andy went biking while I un-bookd my day of holiday and went to work instead, while Ezra napped and read next door.
New stage of life unlocked: when sick kids lay around entertaining themselves rather than needing to be continuously held/snuggled/entertained/medicated. Obviously I don't like having sick kids, but this version is much preferable to previous iterations!
I have done no sport since Monday. On Tuesday I canceled sport with my sport friend because I had spent too much of the workday helping with kids and needed to catch up in work. On Wednesday I got back from the office at 8:15pm and was in bed by 9. Today I had a poorly Ezra and didn't think. I could focus on exercise, although that's not really an excused because I could have carved out 15 minutes easily. I managed to get a decent amount of work done which was good.
I know that when things get chaos it's good to stick with routines that support, but my daily planning has not happened, my food tracking has been terrible, and I haven't taken a vitamin since monday. My screen time was 2 hours yesterday.
Tomorrow I should be able to get a Peloton ride in. Unless Lily is ill. Or Aubrey, or Clara, or me. Or Andy! Or someone else, or some other minor disruption.
Today I felt so unfocused and un-present that I wanted to figure out what my priority was and I realized it was "make it through day without neglecting poorly Ezra." Anything else was gravy. I did two loads of laundry. I guess I've exceeded expectations for today.
Do you lean into or out of routines when life is... destabilizing? What routines do you keep and what do you abandon? Have you been ill recently and isn't sickness season supposed to be over soon?
Hmmm, food for thought for sure. I do NOT have an option to work from home. When kid(s) are sick we have two options 1. I take a day off (called family illness days) or 2. sick kid stays with T who works from home (I don't know how he does it) and said kid alternates between watching TV, reading, playing, and going outside.
ReplyDeleteIf it's #2, then I come at 2:45, no lingering at work, and take over the kids. If T is traveling- then I have no choice but to take off.
When things go sour, wther it's illness, or overwhelm, or solo parenting, or some other stress/change at work, I very much lean into routines. They ground me. I "trim the fat" so to speak, and go back to basics. Example: trim activities, and just hang at home, in quiet, or quiet patio time.
When people first started working from home with sick kids I was quite against it - I didn't like that it seemed people were ignoring their poorly kids to sit on zoom calls. However, It wasn't like that for me this time as Ezra really just wanted to stay in his room and play with his toys. I did cancel all actual meetings because I didn't feel I could focus, but I decided I got enough done to call it a work day. I do feel like adding the mental load of working and watching sick kids can be somewhat harder than just having to call off work, but it also means I can save leave for other times I need it. My work is also great and has a dependant care leave plan, so I am allowed to take days off to watch sick kids (paid) up to 2 per time, but I haven't done the paperwork to get one approved once.
DeleteI am glad to hear you lean into routines. I realized after reading this that I did lean heavily into getting enough sleep, which is definitely a routine. Patio time sounds very restorative as well
Well I am glad that you blogged over Peleton! There's no right answer to all of this. Having young kids is just plain hard no matter how you slice it. You and Andy are doing an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteMy boss at my previous job used to say that she only went to the office to talk to people in person and catch up on the latest water cooler chatter, and that she never did any work there. I haven't worked in an office since 2020, and I'm not sure if I would remember how.
When I get really stressed I keep workouts, unless I have a bad night of sleep. Everything else has to wait its turn.
You made me realize that I have stuck with one good routine - sleep! And yeah, working out without good sleep is pointless.
DeleteI think maybe I'm just really out of practice for office working. I bet if I went in all the time I would remember how. But... I would rather not.
I am sorry that things are a bit hectic, but am glad you blogged. #priorities! I often will hunker down if I feel a bit overwhelmed, which doesn't always make the feeling go away, but I guess I am like a turtle, just bury in! I definitely feel a lot better after a run, but my brain does not always get me out for the run. When I do it though, I feel at least 89% better, so I try to remember that on bad days. Turtle = bad, gazelle = good. However, I don't have to also take care of kids, which doesn't really give you the freedom to go and run or drink your stresses away! Hopefully everyone is starting to feel better and nobody else gets sick!
ReplyDeleteI almost always worked in the office, and feel like I got more work done in the office, but I do wonder, productivity-wise, if that is true. Usually at home if I have downtime, I will do a load of laundry or dishes or something, whereas in the office I am just looking for something work related to fill my time, so that is probably where my feeling comes from. However, for actual productivity, I am not 100% sure.
I think in the office I "felt" like I was working becuase I was in the office. I remember I used to have days where I would go in the office and get nothing done but would have definitely called it a work day because I was in work. When I have downtime at home it is easy to do something else, but then I also try and remember that folding some laundry while thinking about a work problem is probably better than staring at emails because I can't think.
DeleteI love Turtle = Bad, Gazelle = good. I'll remember that :-)
I'm glad you found time to blog, you are in such a busy phase of life right now! I'm sorry that kids have been sick, that is really hard.
ReplyDeleteI think if you worked in the office all of the time it wouldn't be so social, but I do remember one coworker who would come and talk to us for HOURS and not take any cues, and I wasn't assertive enough to ask her to leave. I would get my work done, but she wouldn't, and then when everyone else would leave for the day, she would stay and get her work done. So I'm gone at 5, she's there till 10.
Oh I so relate to your coworker! I had a very similar experience, she would always say how busy she was and how she stayed in work till 7pm every night but would do so much talking... when I moved offices I was generally done by 5 and sometimes 4:30. It's great people enjoy work... but so hard in open plan spaces.
DeleteWow Rachel, this sounds a lot less like "flying too close to the sun" than "survival mode." When I am in survival mode, everything else goes out the window. I'm impressed you are getting so much work done with everything going on! Sick kids throw everything off. I hope Ezra is back to full health and that no one else catches his illness!
ReplyDeleteHaha I guess I feel like we are flying too close to the sun because we are still trying to do awesome stuff (well... work, sport, alternate leaving the house in the evenings) as opposed to survival mode which just feels... survivable. But maybe the two are closer than I think. Sick kids definitely throws thing off for everyone - especially since Ezra almost never gets sick. thanks for the thoughts!
DeleteThat picture of the girls in their helmets is TOO CUTE.
ReplyDeleteWhat's not cute is having sick kids. Blergh. I feel like about this age range was when my kids got the most bugs. It is 10x better now that they're older, but you're already getting a taste of that with a kiddo who can partially entertain themself when they're sick but don't-need-an-adult sick. It's revolutionary to be able to "pop in" on a sick kid once an hour or so to touch base and then continue on with necessary tasks.
I remember you writing about the poorly kid stage where they only need check-ins and I was thinking "wow, that sounds so far away" but now it's here and it is just as good (except for the sickness part) as I hope it would be. Ezra almost never gets sick now, but he was definitely ill almost weekly for the first three years of nursery so I think that may have given him extra resilience? Either way, sicknesses are pits, thanks for the solidarity :-)
DeleteI’m sorry things are so hectic at the moment. Having sick kids really throws a wrench in plans and routines but definitely easier when they just need you to check on them a bit.
ReplyDeleteThis also ties into your post a couple of weeks ago about working moms. Pushing through this will have divends in the future and will be just another week in your life.
Thanks SAK! I definitely think normally it's mom who drops all to take care of sick kids, and even I have a moment of "why am I even trying to work?!" when it gets so disrupted. But it's another week, the sun is out, Ezra seems to feel better, and hopefully he will continue to improve this week as well. he definitely enjoyed staying at home with me last week... probably a bit too much as he didn't want to go to school today.
DeleteI just recuperated from a week of being sick. It was nice to give myself permission to rest but I also felt like I was falling behind (and I hate getting out of my work out routine).
ReplyDeleteI can see how with four kids and barely covered childcare things can get out of hand quickly and pivoting is necessary.
When the heck did you find time to write this blog post? LOL
I am glad you are feeling better and I so know the feeling of falling behind! I hope you're not too behind. Our saving grace is good kid sleep - that's now my blog (or Peloton!) time.
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