Thanksgiving Thoughts

I have had so many good Thanksgivings in my life.  Some standouts were the two times I have done turkey trots and also the amazing food at Portland Thanksgiving, and also every Thanksgiving from when I was a kid because I would go to a friend's farm and there would be a massive potluck and we would play outside all day.  These were all great Thanksgivings.

It's a bit hard to transplant a community, family, and friend-based holiday into a country where it doesn't really exist.  I've had some good Thanksgivings in the UK, but the memories are more about nice times with friends that happen to happen around the end of November. 

I think part of the awesomeness of American thanksgiving is that everyone seems to celebrate it in some way.  Americans don't naturally have as many "we all do the same thing right now" times as British people do.  I think British people rely on Christmas to be the "we are all together!" holiday.  This seems a bit fraught to me, because Christmas means so many things to so many people.

Anyways, I love Thanksgiving.  I love food and family and friends.  Someday, I will do Thanksgiving in America again, and it will be great.

Yesterday, actual Thanksgiving, was spent mountain biking with Andy.  We went to our local incredible bike park and rode trails all day while the kids were in school.  It was great.

It reminded me of before kids time.  Why did we not ride trails all day every day when we were in our 20s?  What filled our heads before kids? What made us get up in the morning and decide which trail to ride, or not to ride?  What did we *do* with all that time

Anyways, it was a good Thanksgiving.  We rode almost 20 miles, were gone from 9am to 4pm, and we were both asleep by 9.  

Today we are doing "Fakesgiving" and will have a turkey based Thanksgiving meal after the kids get home from school.

Some really random thankful things:

• Fakesgiving
• Getting a day of mountain biking with Andy 
• Great friends I have here and in The States
• Being able to eat dairy (some people can't eat cheese, I'm glad I can)
• I will never have newborn twins on thanksgiving again (2023 *shudder*)  
• Being done growing the family = I should have a lot more control of my own physical abilities for the years going forward (except for the chaos of aging and life).  

There might be a day I can't ride up mountains.  There might be a day I cannot eat a giant Thanksgiving meal.  There will be a day I don't get continual baby and kid cuddles.  Today is not that day. Thanks for Thanksgiving.

Phone Thoughts, Social Media, Screentime

There were some interesting posts recently about social media and quitting social media.  This is often linked to phone use, and it's an interesting reminder to me that there is a whole giant world of apps and social media that have small to large effects on people's reality, and which have zero effect on my own reality.   

By not being on any social media I have decoupled my phone use with social media app use.  

And yet, I still feel like I use my phone too much.  I know I do, because I find myself grabbing it at quiet moments to look at *something*

Or when babies are being particularly needy and climbing on me and I just need to pass 20 minutes to the next nap or snack or activity or whatever.

Also, I spend an average of 1hr 20 minutes on my phone a day.  That's like... 9 hours a week?  That's a lot of time.

Some of it, or most of it, isn't otherwise useful time.  but what do I *do* for those hours?

A bunch of nothing:

Anything on Safari is me wasting time.  And then the fact that it could pick out BBC from my safari hits was not good.  Nothing on BBC is good.  Why do I use my phone as a tiny portal to bring the world's horrors into my mind at any moment?  Why do I need to know what person killed what other person, what kid got a disease that's very sad, what country is launching what attacks on what other country... all while standing in my own comfy home?

Does it make me any more informed to spend random midday minutes consuming other people's horrors via my phone?

No, it does not.  It doesn't make me feel good either.  It doesn't help the world.  

So, I took the un-drastic action of blocking news websites from my phone.  FYI, this can be done in the parental controls section, under limiting adult websites.  Here is a list of my vices:

And now, I don't use my phone for news.  It's been a week.  I still use my phone too much.  But at least I don't use it for news?

Also, messages.  I apparently spend 2 hours a week messaging people on my phone.  This seems... crazy.  I don't have long form text correspondences.  I very intentionally only have text conversations that result in something in person.  I use texting for arranging my social life only.  I never do a "hey, how's it going" text unless it's followed with "let's hang out on x date" or "are you free on x weekend" or "let's catch up soon, free for a call this evening?".   I'm amazed that even without using texting as a way of "staying in touch" I'm able to spend 2+ hours a week on it.  

[FYI - this was a big lesson from when Andy and I both switched to dumb phones.  I realized I was using my phone for friendship maintenance, group chats, and other "girl" things.  Andy was only using his phone to organizing things.  I've very intentionally tried to ensure my text use supports things to do, rather than things to say.  My friends will know I'm there for them when I see them.  I don't feel my friendships have suffered by me not engaging in long form text correspondence]

I don't have a great answer.  I think my ideal is less than an hour a day.  But that means I don't default to phone jiggery when I have down time, and that I'm intentionally off the phone, rather than making the phone super boring.  Or maybe my life is just sometimes  more boring than a phone right now.

Sunday Update: Reading, Sports, Sleep

Happy Sunday!  November is getting better and better, in the same way not being on fire is so much better than being on fire.  

Reading

I finished Starter Villain.  I actually liked this book *more* as I read it, and even more at the end.  It was just... fun. And funny. And a little bit thoughtful.  Only a little bit.  I liked it.

I started reading Demon Copperhead this week because everyone seems to rave about it and it won a Pulitzer.  

Last night I got 10% of the way through and I have decided NOPE.  I do not want to read stories of sad things happening to kids.  I don't want to read stories of sad things happening to anyone, generally, although sad young adult and sad 30 year old is somewhat fine. 

I downloaded One Day in December instead.  It looks cute.

Sports

• Monday
• 30 Minute Pop Ride with Robin Arzon (Peloton)
• Tuesday
• 30 Minute Interval and Arms with Hanna Frankson (Peloton - Live!)
• 45 Minute 2000's ride with Hannah Corbin (Peloton)
• 10 Minute RED stretch with Ben Alldis (Peloton)
• Thursday
• 1 hour gym session.  Arms.  I planned with with a friend and I don't think I made it hard enough.  It was still fun to work out with a friend
• Friday
• 90 minute gym session with a new gym friend who is very intense and very awesome.  Working out with strong women is fun.

Normally on weekends Andy and I "swap" mornings, but I realized recently that Saturdays just aren't working as Rachel time.  Everyone is tired, and needy.  The babies are probably transitioning to one nap soon, so the 9-10am quiet is becoming less reliable.  The kids have swimming at 9:45 and leave at 9:30.  We used to get a grocery order delivered sometime between 8am and 12am.  All of this mean that my Rachel 8:30-10 time was highly... stressful.  And not very Rachel time.  Maybe I am just currently experiencing a time when my rachel exercise needs to happen during the week.

Sleep

This week so far my average is 6.5 hours.  I feel bad.  On Monday evening I went out to dinner with friends.  On Thursday and Friday evening I went out to the gym.  On Wednesday Andy and I had a massive end of year planning meeting which was great and also.. I was awake late.  And one morning Audrey woke up at 4:45am.  Most mornings she's been awake before 5:30.  It's not been a good week for sleep.  I am tired.

This morning I woke up and it was 5:55am and I said to Andy "Oh wow, we got to sleep in this morning, 5:55!"

I am not an evening person, but my mornings aren't really mine now either, so I will have to work on finding a better balance between doing stuff in the evenings (stuff is good, right?) and going to bed early.  I could have recouped more sleep yesterday but I spent an hour reading, trying to find a happy stopping point of the sad things that were happening in Demon Copperhead book.  There wasn't a good stopping point.

What's your favourite genre of book? Do you read pulitzer prize winners intentionally?  What's your favourite pulitzer prize winning book?

Also, I do sometimes read books with sad things.  For instance, one of the best books I've read was No One Is Talking About this.  

It was a finalist for the booker prize.  How are Booker and Pulitzer different? How is a book written like a twitter something that's stayed with me for years?  I know some of those questions weren't really for you. 

Twin Things you may not have known.

I didn't know much about twins before I got some of my own.  Here's some twin info!

1.  In the UK, 1 of every 65 births is twins or more.   I was told this by a consultant once, when I noted that I was surprised to be having twins.  "But I statistically I thought I could have another 62 pregnancies before I had twins" I said.  He did not think that's how statistics worked. 

2. Having twins does not mean you have to have a c-section. In the US, 75% of twins are delivered via C-Section.  In the UK it's approx 55%.  

3. During scans they identify one twin as twin A and one as twin B.  They try and scan the same twin as A and B in every scan.  I don't know how they do this when they are tiny and moving, but they do! When they are bigger and stuck then it's easier to tell twin A from twin B in scans

4. At around 20 weeks they determine which twin will come out first, and that twin is called the "presenting twin".  It can change, but generally stays the same.  As long as the presenting twin is head down one can try and have a vaginal birth.  If the presenting twin is breech then it's generally straight to C-Section.  If the second twin is breech and the first twin is head down then you can deliver vaginally as well. 

5. There are two x two variations on twins.  Single or Dichorionic, and single or di amniotic. Generally fraternal twins are DC/DA (two placentas, two amniotic sacs) but twins can also share a placenta (especially if they are identical) or share both a placenta and an amniotic sac (although apparently this is quite rare).  Also just because twins are dichorionic and diamniotic (two placentas, two sacks) doesn't mean they're *not* identical, but it is quite rare.

6. I had no idea I was having twins.  At no point could I feel two distinct babies.  I just felt very very pregnant.  I can definitely understand how one could have twins in the past without knowing it was twins!

7. When twins are born, the presenting twin comes first, then the second twin, and then the two placentas. (at least for DC/DI - two seperate babies in to sacks with two placentas - not sure how it works for other types of twins)

8. There is very little researched info on twin cobedding. I had lofty ideals of two separate bedside cots - in practice they slept together until they could almost roll.

9. More than 50% of twins are born before 37 weeks, and in the UK they try to deliver twins during week 37.  

10. Fraternal twins are just siblings born at the same time.  They are not magically more alike as far as I can tell.  In fact, if Audrey and Isaac had been twins, people would probably have asked if they were identical.  I am often told how handsome Audrey is.  She is quite handsome!

Sunday Update: Reading, Sports, Sleep

Audrey can get the header photo today

Last Sunday Update included the line

 "Hopefully an early bedtime and an early alarm and kids sleeping through the night will afford me a morning workout tomorrow."

I did go to bed early, after a bout of Isaac sickness.  And then I woke up with my own sickness bug at 10:30pm. There was no morning workout.  Isaac and Lilah were both off School.  It was Andy's at-home day but four kids is a lot, so while I did nap over baby naps I'm not sure one should condense a day of "lying in bed illness" into two 1.5 hour naps.  

On Tuesday it was back to work, which was good because on Thursday the nanny was ill (which makes sense) and so I adjusted my 7.5 hour job to the following totally reasonable workday:

8-10am
1:30-2:30pm
3:00-4:30pm
7:30-9:30

And on Friday I of course had my childcare day.  So all in all, I condensed my 30 hour workweek into 19.5 hours and then I spent 51.5 hours on active parenting & watching small kids.  The balance is currently not in my favour.

I have started tracking time I spend with my kids in my time log.  It's currently about 40-50 hours a week.  I forget how much time logging reinforces that I don't have to feel bad about wanting a break from these kids that I love so much.

Onwards and upwards!

Reading

I finished Ministry of Time.  It was fine.  I think if you were into world building and time travel the narrative might be annoying.  But if you're a simple minded person like me then it was a fine read.  It definitely wasn't a WOW book for me.

I had a few books through on Libby and started reading Starter Villain.  It's silly.

Sports

• Tuesday
• 35 minute Peloton scenic ride (through oregon - it's so pretty!
• Thursday
• 30 Minute 90's ride with Ally Love (Peloton)
• 5 Minute cool down ride with Ally Love (Peloton)
• 20 Minute arms and shoulders with Rebecca Kennedy (Peloton)
• Friday
• 45 Minute HIIT and Hills with Robin Arzon (Peloton) I only did this class because for the first time ever I got on Peloton and saw one of my friends was doing a class and I followed her there! I still hope to find San online doing a ride someday...
• Saturday
• 30 Minute New Tracks Ride with Emma Lovewell

I missed gym with gym buddy because our Nanny was ill, and I'm missing gym with gym buddy next week because he is on holiday.  However I'm upgrading my gym membership to anytime + guest pass which means I will hopefully be taking two of my friends to the gym in the evenings this week.

I have also abandoned being a morning workout everything person. Audrey is currently waking up between 5 and 5:30.  Even when I go to bed early I sometimes end up awake at night.  Although I don't like it, I think I'm just going to be perpetually tired person who works out at 8pm and falls asleep at 10:30 and wakes up to the noise of "UPPPPPPPPP" Shouted by a demanding baby at 5:15am and that's just my life now.

Sleep

I've averaged 7.75 hours of sleep this week, which sounds good until I realize that this includes 11.5 hours of sleep while I was ill on Monday.  Thursday night was a 5 hour sleep night which included one baby wakeup for each baby, a 5:00am start to the day for one baby, and a nightmare about "a frog with an eye coming out of its bottom" for one kid.

I know that November still has 14 more days, but I've decided I'm just going to plan fun things for December and January and give up on November being anything fun or nice.  I could probably really use a thanksgiving this year, and while we will do Turkey and cornbread etc it's not quite the same eating a big meal on a day no one else cares about at all.

What are you looking forward to for the rest of November?

Friday Thoughts

Nora loves standing

As alluded to previously, this November is so far tricky.  Since I last posted on Sunday Isaac, Audrey, and I have had stomach bugs.  In good news, Isaac can now reliably make it to the toilet when he needs to be sick! In bad news, three of the kids still cannot.  So here are some random thoughts for a Friday.

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I've started wondering recently whether using my medium stress career as a "Me Time" break from my high stress parenting young children time is actually a good idea, or indeed sustainable at all.  Perhaps taking a break from one year old twins by turning to large scale project management, and then straight from project management back to twins, is not actually the complimentary mental shift I hoped it would be.

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I found myself on mumsnet  (an awful site for british mums to complain about things) googling when having four kids 6 and under gets easier and every mum on there with 3+ kids was a stay at home mum.  Most of them had comments like "having 4 under 7 is really hard, but it gets so much easier when they go to school and you get some time to yourself!".  Yes, I am sure being a stay at home mum of school age kids is a lot easier than being a stay at home mum of pre-school age kids.  That doesn't really help me at all.

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Today I went to a local farmers market with the twins and had the following exchange:

Person: Oh wow, twins! Some people think twins are a kind of magic!

Me: do they?

Person: Yes, I studied anthropology and I remember a really interesting talk on twins and how different cultures think about twins in a magical way

Me: Yeah, people who don't have twins do seem really interested in twins.

<End Conversation>

Why was I being a jerk?  That was really unnecessary.  People do love to comment on twins though.  On Saturday I took the twins and Lilah to the grocery store and at least three people stopped to say "Oh wow you have your hands full//twins//aren't they gorgeous//double trouble!".   I guess it's fine, but also yes my hands are full.  In fact, my hands are only 3/4 full when people see me with the twins and the four year old.

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There is a chance the babies are getting more teeth. Last night Audrey woke up sad at 2am.  Isaac had a nightmare at 3am. Nora was sad at 4am.  I am very tired today.  I sometimes wonder if part of the babies good sleep is that I am actually so tired I can sometimes sleep through active baby sadness. Not the first wake up, or the second, but by the third I only woke up because Andy was getting Nora some water.

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Office Ladies Podcast ended and I really love the line at the end of the Office "I wish there was a day to know you were in the good old days before you left them".  

The problem is, I always think I am in the good times.  I always wonder if this is the time I'll look back on as the good times.  I said that when Lilah was a baby, during the Covid lockdowns, but then it turned out that was definitely not the good times.  I wondered that last year with the newborn twins... what if that was the good times?  Now I can definitely say it was not.  Our two year working holiday to the USA was the good times, and we knew it.  The first year at my old job was a great time.  The first year at my new job (also having no one under 2 years old for a year) was also good times.  I definitely knew all of those times were good times when they happened, so I guess that's good? And if this turns out to be the good times then... well... the good times were hard.

Sunday Update: Reading, Sports, Sleep

How is November already 1/3 over?! Akk.  

This week was pretty meh.  So let's stick to the numbers shall we?

Reading

About 70% through Ministry of Time.  People really like this book.  It is fine so far.  I will finish reading it.  I'm definitely in a reading slump at the moment, or maybe a "time to read" slump. I read two books in October and am unlikely to read more than two in November.  I'm at the front of the queue for Trust by Hernan Diaz so this might be my next read.

Sports

• Monday
• 1 hour circuits class with a friend
• Tuesday
• 30 Minute Taylor Swift Midnights Ride (Ally Love)
• 30 Minute Pilates (Kristin McGee)
• Wednesday
• 45 Minute Pop Ride (Robin Arzon)
• Thursday
• 3 mile bike ride to the gym
• 1 hour gym with gym buddy (legs)
• 3 mile bike ride home

On Friday lilah came home ill from school during baby nap and my peloton time.  On Saturday morning I often get 8:30-10:00 for Rachel time and I'm pretty sure I'm ill because I slept for all of it instead of doing any exercise.  I'm not a napper.  And today, Sunday, the kids are all wound up and 3/4 are ill and it is unlikely that there will be any workouts in my day now either.  Hopefully an early bedtime and an early alarm and kids sleeping through the night will afford me a morning workout tomorrow.

Sleep

I've had an average of 7.3 hours of sleep this week.  This includes two nights of kid wakeup illnesses and one night of insomnia.  I would love those 7.3 hours to be consecutive someday, and afford me the opportunity to wake up early and do fun things.  Instead they afford me the chance to go to sleep early, wake up multiple times in the night, and then wake up at 6am for the day.

There will be a workout, reading, and sleep time after this time.   November is always illness month. 

What is your illness month?  Do you live in a place where everyone is ill right now? I went to the store this morning and everyone was hacking and coughing and sputtering. Yuck season.