Sit at the table - some thoughts after one week of work.

My work has offered me a return to work online course and workbook.  The course includes some Ted Talks.  The most recent module I completed included Sheryl Sandberg's 2010 Ted Talk 

Her talk had 3 main points, which also form the core of her book Lean In:

1. Sit At The Table

2. Make Your Partner a Real Partner

3. Don't Leave Before You Leave

Last week I emailed the new director of the team I support and told her that I used to sit in on leadership meetings with the old director, and could she please invite me if these were still happening.  I know my maternity cover had not been invited to these meetings.  Part of me thought I should wait until I was more up to speed to reach out.  I worried that it was presumptuous for me to ask to attend leadership.  

But then I realized, why not ask? What's the worst that happens?

She said of course I could come, and that she would send me invites.  But she did not.

So I emailed her assistant, with a screenshot of the conversation, and asked to be invited. Very quickly I was added to the meeting, which was happening that day.

I logged into the meeting and thought I should do the teams thing where I keep my camera off... the hiding in the background form of teams attendance.  But I had *just* listened to this ted talk.  "Sit At The Table" I thought.  So I put on some lipstick (instant teams video improvement), turned my camera on and looked at the screen.  I nodded at the appropriate time.  I said hello to the people I hadn't seen since I went on maternity.

The team leaders, and the new director, saw me at this meeting.  I doubt anyone thought "why is Rachel here?" I imagine they thought "I'm glad Rachel is back"

One of my goals for the next year is to sit at the table.  I want to be in meetings where important things happen.  I want to be a part of decisions. I want people to think "this is important, this is complicated, Rachel should be here".

I have reached out to a woman in our parents network, who has 3 kids and is a grade above me.  I had a chat with the woman who got the job I applied for last year, to find out more about how it's going.  I have requested a call with the director I support.  I'm planning on getting a coffee with the director I used to support when I'm next in the office.  I have so many avenues I want to explore, not for "networking" but because I am actually so curious.  How has everyone else's year been?  What is the D&I team doing to encourage women, and recent mothers, into leadership? How are the company values being continually shared and implemented?  I want to have a million conversations about all of it.

I knew I would be excited to be back in work, but I was worried I would feel conflicted.  There is so much talk about work-life balance.  If I wanted balance, I would spend the next 10 months in work 24/7.  I don't want that, but I definitely feel like being in work right now *is* balance.  Wanting to drive a career forward at the exact time that I return from my last maternity leave *is* balance.  I haven't been driving that hard over the last 6 years of baby-having.  I don't have to feel bad for wanting to progress now.

I don't have to feel bad for sitting at the table.