Thursday Thoughts: Working Moms and Overheard at the Cafe

I heard two moms talking at a cafe.  They were both talking about their kids entering school nursery and how nice it was to get 2.5 hours a day to themselves now.  Their kids must have just turned three, and newly qualified for 2.5 hours of free school a day.  The one mom asked the other if she was thinking of going back to work

"Not really" said the mom "because I would still have to pay for wraparound, and it would be like £300 a week in childcare, so it doesn't really make sense".

I've thought about this a lot recently.  I live in a place where lots of moms don't work or work very part time.  Not in the LA "yummy mummy" way, but in the "it just makes sense for me to watch kids" way.

It's interesting to me that the decision to leave the job market seems often be a financial one.  However the decision to leave the job market when kids are young eventually keeps one out of the job market specifically because of the decision to leave.  Childcare costs make this decision more and more difficult - the most expensive childcare is for the youngest children.  

Childcare gets cheaper as they enter school, but if one has been out of the job market for 5 years then even cheaper childcare now can't keep up with the salary loss of a career gap and re-entering the market.

I am so glad I have stayed in work (which I obviously wanted to do as well, but I feel there is a lot of pressure against that decision here) because I can afford childcare.  I can afford childcare because I stayed in work.  When all my kids are in school I will be able to afford... other things.  

My husband and I make roughly the same salary now.  I have never heard him or his friends lament how so much of their salaries go to cover childcare.  I have never seen them calculate their take home after childcare.

I guess it's odd to me that there is financial pressure to leave the workforce when kids are small, because childcare is so expensive.

Then there is financial pressure to stay out of the job market when kids are a little bigger, because only lower salary jobs are available to returners.

Then there is financial pressure to get a job when... kids enter secondary school?  By the time getting a job makes sense, the monetary value of the kind of employment available is so low that it seems one may as well not work at all.

I wish I could more often express the sentiment that I am not *loving* the experience of childcare now, but I am *loving* continuing to develop professionally, not stagnativing my career, and making enough money to employ someone else. I love feeling like I am financially contributing to my family, and knowing that every pound we pay in childcare now will be a pound we can put into something else later.  

If I wasn't working, every pound I saved by not working would decrease in value over time - lack of earnings does not benefit from compound interest.  

There is no inflationary bonus on housework... there is just more housework.

[Obviously if you love staying at home with kids then great! Do that! But when people say "are you thinking about getting a job" I feel those people should answer "no, I love staying at home with kids and doing pick up and that's what I want to do" rather than "no it's not worth it financially".]

2024 - Budget and money stuff in review

I know it's only the 16th of December, but budget is on my mind.  

We keep a family budget, which I track in excel.  We break our life down into the following categories, and I've stuck the yearly percentages next to them.  We don't really track our income, but just ensure that it is less than our budget.  We do periodically review our budget to make sure it's realistic.  

I know excel isn't the most advanced budgeting software there is, but it works for us.  I also like recording our spending line by line because it helps me remember where money went, and sometimes I get to doubly enjoy something.  For instance, when recording my chocolate hazelnut hot chocolate, I momentarily re-enjoyed the memory of my chocolate hazelnut hot chocolate.  It was a good hot chocolate.

Also, this doesn't include retirement as that comes directly out of our pay checks.  Here is what we spent in 2024:

Grocery (11.5%) - This is usually our weekly grocery delivery, and then other one off purchases like bulk flour.  It includes any food we buy to prep and eat at home, but does not include anything we buy while out and about (which would be dining out)

Alcohol (1%) If andy and I go out for a drink together or get beer to drink in the house then this goes into the Alcohol budget.  if we buy alcohol separately or buy a beer to drink with friends then this goes into our own hobbies budget.  Sometimes a bottle of wine slips into the grocery budget though.  Perhaps next year I will put alcohol into grocery and add a "rachel and andy fun" budget which could include drinks together?

Bills (30%) This includes Mortgage Water, Gas, Electric, Council Tax, Car Insurance, Home insurance.  Mortgage is about 70% of the bills budget.

Dining Out (2.2%) This is for when members of our family go out to eat together.  It doesn't include us going out alone or with our own friends (that goes under our own hobbies budget)

House (6.75%) I can't really think of our big house expenses this year.  Andy gets some plants for the garden.  We had two rooms painted.  

Clothes (2%) We realized recently that most of our clothes were from living in the US, which meant they are approaching 10 years old, so we've tried to upgrade our wardrobes a bit this year

Misc (1.8%) The bane of my existence category?!  Includes the kids photo albums and family photo albums.  Christmas cards.  Donations to charity.  What is misc? 

Transport (2.75%) this one is low this year because I wasn't commuting to work while on maternity leave.  My commute is £35 a day.  This is one reason I don't go into the office much

Rachel & Andy Hobbies (9.5%) I mean, it's our hobbies.  We keep it seperate on the spreadsheet.  Mine covers my gym membership, Peloton, massages, getting my nails done.. my things.  Andy spends his on bike stuff and beer.  It works out.

Entertainment (1%) This covers local memberships (for instance the castle memberships) and also any TV (we have Disney+ at the moment)

Kids (4.5%) Many kids expenses.  Isaac's scouts membership.  Kids bikes if needed.  Some kids clothes? Swim lessons.  Gymnastics classes.  One-off trips to soft play. 

Childcare (24%) This was low this year because I was on mat leave.  Next year it's closer to 45%.  Childcare basically feels like college - an investment in my future earnings.  It's slightly less fun than college, but about the same amount of crying.

Gifts (2%) all gifts.  Also sometimes if we buy someone else food it can go on gifts.  Things that are nice for other people.

Health (1%) Dentist appointments, misc medicines.  Physio.  the NHS is free at point of service but sometimes it's better to pay for health care than wait for healthcare

And that's our year in money stuff.  I guess real numbers might be more interesting than percentages?  We are lucky that we don't worry about our spending, but we also don't have any big spending goals right now.  We are not going on any holidays.  We are not moving house.  We have no major home projects coming up.  We cancel Disney+ periodically to see if we still use it.  Our kids are in a not-very-expensive phase of life (except childcare), and we are in a somewhat housebound phase of life, so thankfully money is not the thing keeping us from doing stuff.  Our life set-up is the thing keeping us from doing stuff.

Do you budget?  Do you track income or spending or both?  Are you saving for anything big?