Sunday Update: Reading, Sports, Sleep

FIRST.  A long time a go (like, months, sorry!) I got the most awesome lighthouse postcard from Elisabeth and Kyria!  It was so exciting to get mail, AND to tell the kids it had come all the way from Canada.  Thank you Elisabeth and Kyria!

This week felt mostly like this:

I mean, nothing objectively bad happened, but the babies sleep was AWFUL, and we had some truly terrible family dinners.  I've always thought family dinners are important but this week made me think maybe it's just too much for two human adults to try and eat with small kids?  

On Wednesday our nanny made a super tasty tuna pasta which the kids would not try, and then did a bunch of weird stuff with plain pasta.  On Wednesday I made a enchilada lasagne (a million times easier than this version).  And the kids only wanted to eat tortillas and cheese.  How long can a small human survive on just bread and cheese? I told them they had to have a plain bean and cheese wrap, which one child ate, and the other child picked all the beans out then said they were done.  BUT also my kids aren't done in the "I'll go upstairs and play" done - they're done in the "I'll make everyone else miserable whether I stay at the table or get down from the table" phase.  

Also, the babies didn't like the enchilada casserole, which is super annoying because they loved it last time and it was delicious.  So I shoved an entire dinner down me with grumpy babies and grumpy kids and then I was so grumpy as well.

Also, Audrey is still waking between 4:30 and 5.  Sometimes she used to sleep till almost 6 and in my head I thought she slept till 6 but I must now admit, like I did a year ago when they were 7 weeks old, there is no sleep after 5.  Never rely on getting sleep after 5am.

So besides being tired and annoyed, my week was fine?

Reading

I finished One Day In December and it was nice.  I dowloaded Real Americans but I'm not sure I have 11 hours to spend reading a book.  

My TBR is a bit meh at the moment and the ones I want aren't coming through fast enough.  I need to get on goodreads best of the year list and start picking some more.

Sports

I decided to try a Peloton challenge of exercising every day this month!

• Monday
• 30 Minute Hip Hop Ride with Cody Rigsby (Peloton)
• 10 Minute Core Strength with Adrian Williams (Peloton)
• 
  
• Tuesday
• 20 Minute Pop Ride with Kendall Too (Peloton)
• 90 Minute Hot Yoga with a friend (this was hard!)
• Wednesday
• 30 Minute Pop Ride with Jen Sherman (Peloton)
• Thursday
• 1 Hour gym session (upper) with gym buddy
• 20 Minute Focu Flow: Hip with Chelsea Jackson Roberts
• Friday
• Nothing, goodbye streak
• Saturday
• 30 Minute Indie Rock Ride with Mayla Wedekind (Peloton - Live!)

If I can do a "almost every day in Day in December" that's also good.  

Also on Saturday I was really pleased because I had the babies by myself and I saw a class was starting live at 9:30 (which is baby first nap) and I managed to get two babies changed and in bed for nap and change myself and get on the Peloton in 6 minutes.  After Peloton I managed to shower and change in perfect time to get the babies up at 10:15.  

This whole twin thing is super easy if you can live at 100% effort 100% of the time and be comfortable with success only 10% of the time even with all that effort (case in point - I wanted to ride during afternoon nap on Friday but Audrey woke up early and there was no other time in the day I could do exercise).  

[Alternate phrasing to that paragraph: this twin thing is basically impossible]

Sleep

Until Thursday I was at 7.1 hours average sleep, after an exceptionally painful 6.5 hours on Tuesday night (which resulted in me being so tired I missed a call in work because I knew I would be too tired to focus or be of any value).  I did other work in that time, but told the meeting attendees that I had a clash.  The clash was that I was too tired to pay attention ton an hour long call.

I decided to to revert to newborn life and start going to bed at 8pm again, so I've managed to claw my average back to 7.42 average, but 8pm bedtime is no way for a human adult to exist.

My line a day journal indicates that this time last year was the steep slide into twin baby horror; so while I am glad to not be reliving 7 week old twins, I am pretty sure that next year I will think "Man, I'm glad to not be reliving 13 month old twins!"

Maybe next year I will just plan not to leave the house after 6pm from November to Feb?  Maybe bears and other hibernating animals have it right.

How was your week?  Have you ever avoided a work thing because you are too tired?  Why is "I'm too tired" not an adequate reason to cancel all evening activities as well? 

May Reading

May has been an awesome reading month.  In addition to some long term holds coming through, I have also read some random books.  For instance, I was flipping through Libby one night and decided to try "The Help":  

I think it was in the "bestsellers" section of Libby.  I've been reading lots of newer books lately and I should definitely spend more time/effort picking some "backlist" books (as MMD told me they are called!) because some of the best books I read last year were not written last year.  I was thinking of Where the Crawdads Sing, although even that was 2018.

Also, The Help made me really want a maid, or at least a household help person.  I know that wasn't the point of the book and obviously I do not want the associated racism of 1960s Mississippi.  I often think about how full time working moms today spend more time with their children than stay at home moms in 1950. Although fiction, this book is definitely an insight into how that time may have been spent.   

I would just love to not clean two high chairs three times a day, and to not carry two babies up and down stairs all day.  I would love to not spend morning nap making dinner.  I would love a break from Laundry.  Maybe the chance to leave the house in the middle of the day without babies?

[Long maternity leaves are great, but I am going on 7 months of never spending more than 90 minutes away from the twins.  Actually once or twice I've taken one twin to something, so I have spent up to 2.5 hours away from twins, but max 90 minutes away from both babies.  Not for any real reason - we just have a lot of kids.]

I also Read Just For The Summer by Abby Jimenez 

I cant remember what blog person recommended this one.  I wasn't a huge fan of The Happily Ever After Playlist (which I listened to on Audio) but I *really* enjoyed this one.  I think perhaps it was my life circumstance at the time which made the Happily Ever After Playlist not as good?  I wasn't as into this Chick Lit narrative then.  It's basically my summer reading staple now.  I am already reading Yours Truly because I love me some character crossover.

I also just read The Rachel Incident and The Violin Conspiracy.  Both of these have been floating around the blog-o-sphere for a while and both were great.  I listened to The Rachel Incident and it was fun and a bit confusing to listen a generally intelligible Irish Accent.  Slow and clear speech is not usually an Irish trait.

What a reading month!  Also, I did not realize how different book covers are between UK editions and US editions sometimes.  Modern Mrs. Darcy had a post on this recently.  I use US Libby but the UK Library so I tend to see a mishmash of covers

I had seen Slow Productivity on Cal's blog:

And was surprised when I got it from my library:

Is that a real lake? I want to go there.  But I haven't figured out how to google what that actually is.

May is not usually a huge reading month for me but I guess the endless rain and 2:30-4:30am baby wake ups is really helping keep my reading life active (but my active life is not active.  I was in running gear this morning until the babies decided to wake at 4:30 and 5:30 and now I'm back in pyjamas at 5:45.  So it is all trade offs!)

Have you read any great books in May?

March - goals and other misc thoughts

It's currently March!  On March 1st it hailed.  A lot.  

Yesterday the sun was out all day!  

Yesterday I got out on my bike and rode in the hills for almost an hour.

I walked with my friend for an hour in the sun as well.  at 2:30 pm it seemed a good time for a beer in a beer garden but unfortunately the pub didn't open until 5pm.  I'm not sure if I can make the argument that pubs need to open earlier so that mothers on maternity leave can get a midday drink... it's probably not a great idea.  But also, it would have been nice.

Today is Thursday, which means my Rachel weekend is soon over.  This weekend-weekend involves a lot of family.  We are having an afternoon tea for Mothers Day and I've ordered fancy cupcakes which I am very excited about.  

I've had some trouble getting into books this month.  I started Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte and abandoned it quickly.  

I am hesitant to put more anything into my phone at the moment, and I also don't feel like I have a fully functioning first brain.  The book had some interesting concepts, but like Build The Life You Want I needed to spend a bit more time focusing on it and not just listening while puttering around the house.  I decided to DNF after 2 of 7 hours.

I finally started reading Birnam Wood and I am getting into it but I think it's long... sometimes it's hard to tell how long something is on Kindle but this feels long.  

I should keep reading The Hungry Empire because I bet I will like it but I just don't sit down with a real book often.  I could be sitting with a real book now... but I'm blogging instead.

I completed my March page in my Ashley Shelley Planner:

In summary, I'm hoping March is more of the good things from Feb.

• More decluttering
• More writing
• More exercise
• More being outside
• More Vegetables.

My main "goals" are 

• Buy a Fire Extinguisher - done and under the sink already!  And I threw away some old mats we don't used from under the sink, so that's decluttering as well!
• Consolidate Digital Photos - I can already tell I don't want to do this and probably wont.
• Continue Photo Albums - Because I do this all the time I should probably take it off the list
• Move the babies to their own room for Naps - I am scared of this one.  But it has to be done. I haven't so far because their room is my laundry staging area, but that needs to get fixed too.

I like how Ashley Shelley planners ask what I will say "no" to - and I wrote "doing 2 things in 1 day".  On Tuesday I tried to do 2 things in 1 day and I was an hour late to one because I forgot.  I will continue to try and schedule 1 thing a day.

A book post - 2023 reading year.

I am loving all the 2023 reading recaps.  2023 was a great reading year for me, mostly because of the pregnancy insomnia/pain which kept me up at night for weeks before having the twins.  However, in that time I read a lot!  The year finished at 60 books total, 25 audio books and 35 kindle/real books.  I got the kindle at the start of June and absolutely love it - I haven't bought a book but primarily use the Libby app for all my kindle and audiobooks.

I do a 1-3 star rating system and on review I have a lot of one star reads this year, but I would actually up some to 2 or no stars in retrospect.  Some books I love when I read but forget quickly, and some books I love the memory of reading more.  Looking through my notes, this is my highlight reel:

Fiction (book/kindle)

• Babel: An Arcane History by R.F Kuang
• Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan 
• The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Non-Fiction (Book/Kindle)

• This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan

Fiction (Audio)

• Tom Lake by Ann Patchett
• Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Non Fiction (Audio)

• A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost
• Stolen Focus by Johan Hari

I read a lot of good books this year but these are some of the highlights for me.  Especially Babel - that might be my favorite and I feel odd sticking it in the same category as Nora Goes Off Script (which was also good, but not the same good).  

I started listening to fiction on Audio Book and some is SOOO Good.  I realized I have to chose the right fiction.  I love Meryl Streep's narration of Tom Lake and probably wouldn't have finished Tom Lake if I was reading it myself.  Daisy Jones was my first ensemble cast read book and I really enjoyed it as well.

Another honorable mention is the American Royals series.  I found this through The SHU box and they are just such fun reads.  Sadly I have finished the series this year! I think I need to incorporate more fun YA books into my reading life in 2024.

This year I discovered "Women's lit" and I am really enjoying that as well - Emily Henry, Nora Goes Off Script, Thank You for Listening by Julia Whelan, Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld.

I've loved reading everyones roundup reading post for 2023 too and have already added some exciting books to my library holds from Birchie, Kyria, and of course Modern Mrs. Darcy.  Looking forward to more great reads in 2024 - what was your favourite book this year?  Do you have an Audio/Physical/Ebook preference?

Saturday rambling

I finished two books recently.  The audio of Tom Lake was AMAZING.  Meryl Streep is amazing.  I'm not sure if I'm biased beause it's recent or because it is all the rage on the internets right now but Tom Lake is one of my favourite books this year and definitely my favorite audiobook.

I also read Yellowface.  Interesting read.  Not the best thing ever but certainly thought provoking.  Good characters too.  I'm wondering if the Poppy War trilogy is worth reading too?  Also how is the author (RF Kuang) only 27 years old??  Cambridge, Yale, and Oxford Educated.  Some people are a different calibre of human.

I'm now at 59 books for the year and almost done with American Royals IV so this will be a 60 book year.  I wonder what next year will bring?

I'm starting to cultivate my TBR list for 2024.  Loving all the best-of lists that people are posting.

Also, it's a weekend.  This morning I left the twins with Andy and went to the store with Lilah to buy nappies.  They grew into size 1 slowly and out quickly.  I think this is what babies do.. move quickly and then slowly.  It wasn't the most exciting outing but it was great to get away from babies for a while.  Two babies every day is a lot of babies for a lot of days.

Tomorrow Isaac and Lilah have a playdate at a friend's house and Andy and I are home with twins. We could do anything??!  Well, anything within a 3 hour cycle of feeds.

Isaac is currently using star stickers and washi tape to decorate a nappy box.  Lilah is driving a lego car across a twin feeding pillow.  Andy took the twins out for a walk.  And I got a blog post written!

Better than yesterday, when kids were chaos and Dolly (Lilah) knocked over the Christmas tree.  This is why we got a small tree and decorated it with cheap plastic decorations of no sentimental value:

Happy Saturday!

A belated weekend post!

This weekend I drove 6 hours to see my friend in Cumbria and her 12 week old baby.  It was awesome to see her and I am only sad that she lives so far away.  I left Saturday morning at 7:30 and then came back Monday - 12 hours of driving for 36 hours with friend.  It was well worth it.

I had loaded up the podcast with back episodes of Organize 365 and Best of Both Worlds, as well as Oh William by Elizabeth Strout on Audiobook which showed up on Libby.  Two hours into Oh William I decided it was a hard pass as I really can't listen to stories which include traumatic childhoods.  I know it was shortlisted for the Booker prize and The Modern Mrs. Darcy loved it but I couldn't take it.

I enjoyed a good few hours listening to Organize 365, I'm not sure whether I had heard some of the episodes before.  I started thinking about house projects and organization and realized some small but significant changes I could make to my space now.  I have a plan to fit a dishwasher in the kitchen!  First I need to find a handy-person to do some cabinet removal, reorganize our pantry goods, and then there will be Dishwasher!  I am very excited.

I also realized that it is time to say goodbye to our much loved loveseat.  

It was one of the first pieces we bought for our house and was recently in the kids room for stories.  We've since set up Lilah's "big girl bed" and now there is no room.  So I called the furniture charity shop and it's being collected on Friday.  It's so comfortable and has served us well and I hope it will go to another home that can enjoy it just as much as we have.

While visiting my friend I read all of Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan.  This was such a fun read and felt like a "holiday read".  I also brought A World Without Email by Cal Newport but it is somewhat slow going.  Definitely giving me lots of think about.  

For the drive back Maybe in Another Life became available on audiobook and I've started that now, it's definitely got the same great pacing as most TJR books.

I loved my 36 hour holiday and it felt like a total recharge.  Also, my friend has the cutest 12 week old.  I didn't know 12 week olds could be so good.  He just sleeps and plays and chats and I cannot wait to see him again soon.  I am not a huge fan of babies but I was a huge fan of this one. 

Have you ever been on a 36 hour holiday?  How is your reading in May going?  Do you like 12 week olds?

Some Random Book Thoughts

The month is half done!  How did this happen?  

I've read three books so far this month.  Months when my mom visits are always slower reading months because I can go out in the evening (thanks grandma childcare!) and I don't do as many dishes - my primary audiobook time. 

Book 1: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

I knew this book had a pandemic theme and was a bit hesitant to read it as I'm not too keen on pandemic lit.  I really enjoyed Sea of Tranquillity even though it had pandemic-y parts - it was the first book I read since pandemic that included pandemic and it certainly made me feel a bit... uncomfortable.

However, the pandemic in Station Eleven  didn't bother me at all.  I found it to be an interesting and engagig post apocalypse world and I so love how St. John Mendel weaves narratives through time and through different books.  I had the thought while reading this book "wow, after this pandemic people are struggling to survive, and in our current post-pandemic we're trying to get everyone to be less obese."  I think that the reason the Sea of Tranquillity pandemic bothered me more is that narrative was more around impending lockdowns than pandemic, which I do relate to and don't want to relive through fiction really.  I wouldn't even say the pandemic is a major plot points in either book - like all St. John Mandel her real creativity is in her relationships and people as they move through the weird worlds she constructs.

I really enjoyed this one.  Sad that I've now read all her offerings at our local library.

Book 2: Atomic Habits by James Clear

This is a great book on Habits and probably the one I would recommend to anyone wanting to learn more about habit formation.  I found it more readable than "The Power of Habit" which I finished in January, and more science backed than the [evil] BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits.  Also, more realistic.  I'm far more likely to put on my exercise clothes like James Clear suggests than put them on and yell "Go Rachel! you put on your exercise clothes, yay!" like Fogg recommends.

I've also realized that I've read a lot of habit formation as I read about digital minimalism and time management, since time and habits are so intertwined.  Nothing in this book was earth shaking for me - but that's probably because I'm pretty saturated on this topic.  It did get me thinking about how my habits have changed - I became a reader after a 10 year reading gap.  I stopped eating (most) processed food.  I started waking up early every day.  I had a strong running habit, then stopped entirely.  I used smartphone technology, whatapp and instagram, up until I didn't.  All these are habits I've changed - the book gave me time to consider what other habits do I may want to change.

I think I'm mostly happy with my current big habits, but I'm keen to keep working on the small ones with the strategies from this book. Definitely recommend this one for an accessible guide to habit formation.

Book 3: Quit like a Woman by Holly Whitaker

I had this one on audiobook and then returned it because I thought it was about quitting your job, then I realized it's actually about quitting drinking. I've been recently toying with the idea of not drinking anymore since alcohol has started to noticeably decrease my sleep quality.  I'm not sure if this is because I have noticeably increased my sleep quality recently... but it's a definite thing.  The book was fascinating discussion on why we were so obsessed with alcohol and why that might just be a good marketing campaign.  One pretty persuasive argument is that the way we treat alcohol now is how we viewed cigarettes in the 70s - we know it's probably not so good for us, but we wonder if it might be a little good for us, and there is a lot of money keeping people drinking.  

The book was a bit "woo" towards the end but I'm interested in the feminist issues around drinking and alcohol.  And also, why is not drinking so weird?  Are we in an alcohol mass delusion?   Why is the only socially acceptable form of not drinking considered a disease (alcoholism?).  No one tells a vegan to just order meat or doesn't invite them to a restaurant, but often if you don't drink you face a bit of gentle encouragement to drink, or you don't get invited out.   Weird.

How has your reading month been?  Have you read any of the above?

Tuesday Updates

Work: Today is my third Tuesday in a row with kids/off work.  My normal working schedule is alternate Tuesdays off. Although I'm enjoying the kid time I can definitely see how 80% time is way harder than 90% time.  At 90% time I think I'm basically getting paid 10% less for the same amount of work but the privilege of being unavailable once a fortnight.  With 80% time I'm just stressed about getting things done.  

Fun: The Banff Film Festival is coming to Cardiff on Wednesday and I did not plan ahead but really want to go.  I texted everyone I know who might be interested, including people I don't know so well who might be interested, but unfortunately everyone is busy. Having kids with your adventure partner means it's hard to find new adventure partners.  Even people who couldn't come seemed happy for the invite, so I still think I'm laying groundwork for future friend dates even if this friend date didn't work.

Sport: I have found the most amazing yoga class on a Monday AND I can go for the next 4 weeks due to mom visit-childcare. It's 90 minutes of strength and yoga and I feel battered and amazing after.  

Food: Last week I made a lentil lasagne with white sauce.  This week I pulled some out of the freezer and OMG why is lasagne so much better after being frozen?

Books: I am currently listening to Better than Before by Gretchen Ruben and even though I'm 2 hours into the book I can't tell if I have read it before.  I then started Quit like a Woman by Holly Whitaker on audiobook and I am LOVING it.  I did not realize alcohol is a feminist issue and this book might be a life changer - I was already going off drinking but this might just send me towards total teetotal. 

What are you reading?  Have you ever been to a mountain film festival?

January 1st to 14th, books and other micellany

I recently finished, abandoned, and started three different books in rapid succession.

Finished: Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid. 

It was a fine book. I understand there is some controversy about it?  There was a lot of Tennis, but I am good at skimming.  The characters were not engagingly flawed like those in Malibu Rising.  Maybe I should read more from TJR. I don't think this book was great, but it was a fine read.  I probably would not recommend it the way I would recommend Malibu Rising.

Abandoned: Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell.   

I got two hours into the 7 hours audiobook and I just couldn't do it.  He had an interesting point about default truth theory - that we default to thinking people are truthful - but he didn't seem to have more to say.  And then, it was just narrative on narrative of sexual abuse.  Maybe it would have pivoted elsewhere if I kept listening, but I try hard to curate my intake away from horrific stories of paedophelia and so listening to him describe Larry Nassar and Jerry Sandusky, then listening to audio versions of victim impact statements... just felt icky.  I know there are horrible people in the world, but at what point does reading transcriptions of horror make someone accomplice to the horror?  This book came recomnded from multiple sources so maybe I've had an odd reaction, but it seemed a bit like a dumber more media flashy version of Thinking Fast and Slow (which I loved).

Started: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

I got this at the library a few weeks ago, and judged it by its cover.  It looked hefty and not interesting. I've recently gotten back into audiobooks so got a copy of this and am actually enjoying it as an audiobook.  I have read a lot around habits recently so some of it seems repetitive now, but probably only from reading other books on habit formation written after this one.  I think it's going to be a good audiobook listen.  

Random Realization: The power of Habit made me realize why I stopped running.  In 2015 I was really into running - I had run clubs 2-3 times a week and did half marathons/10ks fairly frequently (well, maybe 4 half marathons?  But that's a lot for a year).   I was living in Portland at the time and all the run clubs were from local bars.  As soon as I moved back to the UK I stopped running - and I think it's because British run clubs don't run from bars.  I loved going for a run then hanging out with my friends and having a beer.  I needed all those things.  Going for a run then seeing friends was not fun.  Going for a run then having a coffee was not fun.  Run then beer.  Run then beer. Run then beer.  On repeat.  It was great.  I should probably form a better habit than run with beer, but my current habit is "don't run" and I do miss running.  Or maybe I miss beer?  I'll need to read further into the book to find out.

Tis the season to be fever-y: I've come down with another brutal cold/flu/tonsillitis thing.  On Thursday I wondered why the house was so cold, but when the thermostat showed 18c (64f - normal) I wondered if perhaps I was cold.  Having recently bought a thermometer I discovered I was, in fact, 38.8c (102).  I slept for the rest of Thursday and much of Friday.  Friday and Saturday brought on the most sore throat I've had in memory.  Now I'm only worried to see if the kids get this illness.  We had much fun planned for the weekend but I have been majorly useless.  I know I'm generally ill from October to April, but could I be less ill please?  Maybe just a runny nose, not a full on lie-in-bed sad ill?

Have you read any Taylor Jenkins Reid?  What's your favourite?  Do you have any magic cures for sore throats?

Top books I read in 2022.

I have had an *awesome* reading year.  It's somewhere over 50 books, which is amazing considering I didn't read for about ten years of my life.

I keep a running list of my books I've read here

And a list of books to read here

But since everyone like a list... here are my winners of 2022:

Best Fiction:

No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood:  It's unlike anything I've read before.  I thought it was dumb, trendy, then poignant, then surprisingly crushing.  I think about it a lot.  It also made me cry.  How does a book written like a twitter make one cry?  I'm not sure, but it was a devastatingly good read.

Runner Up: Fiction:

The Fortune Men by Nadifa Mohamed

Best Non-Fiction

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez.  This book blew my mind.  It changed how I see everything.  Perez reminded me of me - I was never a feminist.  I knew that women were equal now.  But then, all her data, and lack thereof, made me suddenly realize how unequal the world is.  When I looked around boardrooms why did I see 12 men and one woman? Why was I having so much trouble finding someone like me at higher corporate levels?  Why did the glass ceiling seem to be lowering on me after I had children?  I can't really explain how amazing this book is in a short blog post, but I wish it was required reading.

Runner Up: Non-Fiction

Tranquility by Tuesday by Laura Vanderkam.  

What is the best book you read this year?  What are you excited about for 2023??

Women, men, and the obligation to reply.

Here's a super random one for a Tuesday.

I've worked in consulting for over five years now, and I've noticed that men don't reply to everything.  Women, when asked a question, reply.  Men, when asked, don't.  

Obviously not all men, and not all women, but while I initially appreciated the thoroughness of my female colleagues I'm now starting to envy the lack of obligation from the male ones.

It can be so small, "Hi Male, do you want X or Y?" and the reply comes "sure"

Or "Hi Male, can you please explain X and Y?" and the reply comes "yes here is the explanation for X"

I've realized they're not doing it maliciously, it's how their brains work.

A colleague of mine (in my department) recently had an email with a very simple questions and a very complex tangential question for example: "X entry is an error and should be Y, unless fundamental shift in the meaning of X and Y?" My colleague started drafting a reply, explaining the pros and cons of X and Y and trying to put together a very thorough response to both part of his email.

I told her to stop.  The male answer is "Thank you, it was an error, and I have corrected it now"

How much time are women spending feeling the obligation and then responding to requests that men don't register?

How much is this playing into non-promotable work?  

Would my female colleagues be surprised at what men don't reply to?  Many of the women I work with would get A+ for what they do, administratively, if we were in school.  In work, the men seem to get promoted, regardless of the "administration".  I wonder if this plays out in other fields as well - are headteachers predominantly male party because they are good at setting workloads but have never properly completed them?  Or are women afraid to take the next step because their workload burden at their current level is so high that they can't imagine taking on more.... not realizing that the men are already doing less and facing few/no repercussions for it?

As an aside, adding this one to my list now:

A Failure to Plan is a Plan to Fail but a Planned Plan Might Also Fail.

On Sunday night the social/hobby schedule for the week was ideal:

Monday PM: Run Club

Tuesday AM: Breakfast with G

Tuesday PM: Writing Club with N

Wednesday PM: Date Night

Friday PM: Drinks with colleagues

On Monday my run club buddy texted to say she wasn't well, followed by G postponing breakfast until next week for very legitimate work reasons.

I went for a short solo run Monday evening anyways, and realized that a fortnightly run club isn't an ideal way to maintain fitness.  I'm glad I got out, even if my running buddy couldn't join me.  And we've tentatively rescheduled for Thursday.

Thankfully N was able to come for writing today.  It's great having a once a week hobby of me time, especially as it overlaps with Andy's MTB night so I have to be home anyways.

I remember even as a child getting upset when my perfect schedules were uprooted.  I sometimes struggle to tell the difference between "going with the flow" and "being directionless".

Andy swapped his office day now, so we're redoing our own weekly schedules.  Running will be on Thursday and breakfast/writing on a Tuesday, with a backup morning open on Friday.  This all comes back to Laura Vanderkam's  Rule #5: Create a backup slot.  On that topic - my library ordered a copy of Tranquility by Tuesday and it's on it's way to me.  Very excited.

Tomorrow my schedule is disrupted once again, as the kids will probably not be in nursery due to generic toddler illness so Andy and I are taking half days for childcare.  We managed almost two months without being off nursery for illness - the longest stretch of uninterrupted childcare since.... having children?

Reading Update - The End of Absence and I Miss You When I Blink

I just finished my 48th book for 2022.  This is rather astounding as I basically didn't read at all between 2010 and 2020.  

I Miss You When I Blink was just as good as I hoped it would be.

I read The End of Absence this month.  It was interesting to read a book about the internet written in 2014.  It was interesting to remember that fairly recently the internet used to be so much different.  It was also interesting to realize that 1985 really is the cutoff point of pre and post internet life... and internet free childhood.  

I wonder what those born 10 years earlier that me think about this - do they relish the fact that they didn't have ubiquitous internet until after college?  I don't think internet was a great addition to my college experience.  

People 5 years either side of me probably didn't use GeoCities.  Or StumbleUpon.  Or forge friendships through the chimes of AIM (Aol Instant Messenger)

Remember when we thought the internet was an unexplored world of limitless possibility?  

StumbleUpon was the start of the internet entertainment lever.  "Show me a thing" you told the button and the button showed you a thing.

The End of Absence had some fascinating points.  Firstly, Michael Harris thought of Analogue August before I did.  On day 24 of his internet abstinence project he writes:

"Behavior that seemed utterly normal on the 30th of July now looks compulsive and animalistic. Now when I see teenager girls burrowed into their phones on the sidewalk I think of monkeys picking lice out of each other's hair"

That's what resonates with me, in my own internet experiment.  What if instead of a phone everyone was holding a banana? And every few minutes each person checked their banana?  Families at a table in a restaurant showing each other their favorite bananas?  Sitting down on the sofa after a day of work and staring mindlessly at a banana?

Harris was also on point with the following: 

"Nothing is as enthralling as the lovely, comforting, absence destroying internet"

Reading slow down

 I'm in a bit of a reading... slow down.

I'm at nearly 50 books for the year, which is pretty insane when I consider that I didn't read for 10 years between college and 2021.

I think I'm in an audiobook rut.  I have a bunch of autobiographies which I put on hold ages ago which are now coming through and I am just not that interested right now (Minnie Driver, Viola Davies... even Molly Shannon which is supposed to be hilarious!)

I started Atlas of the Heart but it was a bit too much and I decided not to listen any more.  Maybe it made better reading?

I'm plodding through I Miss You When I Blink which I am enjoying but also it's short stories so I do want to read it properly... I don't want to do any skimming.  And I really only want 1 or 2 short stories a night.

Maybe this is an October lull because it's a busy time socially/professionally?  Maybe I realize people are tired of me saying "I read this great book...."?  Maybe I also need to diversity my new holds a bit, after all these arrived the same week:

Also, I've been number 1 for a lot of these books for a while:

Analogue Travel

 In general, not using a smart phone is fine.  People are vaguely interested or just disinterested. 

It does take some additional planning for travel. I'm going to London with work in a few weeks and got my tickets today. There was a link to click and download.  Instead I printed them off.  I also printed a map, and wrote a list of instructions for how to get to the London office.

I am aware that this takes extra work, as compared to just using my phone to navigate.

At the same time, I often remember that I'm not smartphone-less because of the imminent logistical benefits, I'm doing it because I don't have the self control to have the world at my fingertips and not distract myself with it.  

I notice this on the train, everyone on a smart phone, everyone in their own world.

I want to be in this world. 

Even if it means I have to print out google maps sometimes.

Also, this book is one of the best books I read this year:

It was called "a love letter to the infinite scroll".  I'm not sure I saw it that way, but it's a book that comes back to me often.