Summer Planning, Summer Schedules, Summer Thoughts, and a giant tent.

Trying out our borrowed tent

On Saturday I had a 4 hour block of Rachel time in the morning (although I used 30 minutes of it sleeping because prom celebrating kids lit fireworks at 1am and I am not always a great return-to-sleeper).  I decided to do a bit of summer planning.

Our summer doesn't start until 17th July.  It lasts basically 7 weeks, with school starting again on a Thursday (WHYYY).

I realized I have sort of been dreading summer.  I fear that all the small pockets of Rachel time are going to disappear - my Friday morning twins at nursery time will be gone, and instead of nap time being downtime it will be big kids at home time.  Andy is taking off Mondays with the big kids all summer, which means more people potentially at home.  All the playgroups are off for summer, so there is a chance more of twin childcare will be home-based as well.

I started with a week by week view:

Week 1: 3 day workweek, brother visit, mom here, Mom and brother big kid childcare for 2 days, Thursday off with everyone
Week 2: Family Camping Trip (this may be a terrible idea)
Week 3: 4 days Work/Local Camp (Friday all kids)
Week 4: 4 days Work/Local Camp (Friday all kids)
Week 5: 4 days Work/More expensive camp (Friday all kids)
Week 6: 3 days work, Dad visit, Thursday big kids, (Friday all kids+Dad)
Week 7: Bank Holiday Monday, watch big kids tuesday, Lily's Birthday Wednesday (Andy off), Rachel Day(School starts) on Thursday, watch twins Friday, fly to New York by myself Saturday.

I know could be excited to funmom all of this but I see a lot of packed lunches and suncream in the days above, and a lot of rachel driving (more expensive camp is 15 minutes away).

Also, I am pretty good at the 4 day workweek, but taking a day off means it's a 3 day workweek and that feels so short.  I didn't realize that I'm taking 2 short weeks and 2 full weeks off over the 7 week period, and I probably need to adjust my work expectations accordingly.  There are only 18 working days for me between July 17th and September 9th.  I'll need to be pretty clear on how I'm going to use those days, otherwise I'm going to spend most of summer feeling very behind or like I'm failing in work.  

I am excited that the summer ends with a Rachel Day and then I also am going to New York for a wedding which felt a million years away but is actually not that far away at all.  I need to get something to wear.

Since I now recently learned I am a human person who needs downtime, I've decided Saturdays from 6am to 10am will be my time every week.  At least that means I have one four hour block of life.

I also have the option of sending big kids to more expensive camp on a Fridays if they want to go and if I need it easier.  They usually love more expensive camp, but it is more expensive (about £100 a day for the two of them, in case you're curious!).  It doesn't open up much Rachel time but maybe it will make a Friday more calm.

After my planning session I'm feeling slightly less terrified of summer.  We'll have to see if this translates to having a better summer.  

I guess it does mean I'm making progress on the Rachel Goal of "Build a better planning system for my life" so that's good?

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Summer planning is interesting as a working (non teacher) parent.  I realize that from a childcare standpoint, being a teacher means you don't have to do summer camp for kids, but from a general flexibility standpoint being a teacher seems far less family friendly than being middleing corporate person.  On Wednesday during the heatwave our assistant headteachers kid's school was closed, and she said "it's ok, a friend is watching the kids" while when our school closed I just left work early. 

Our friend has two young kids and is a high school math teacher.  He has a term time contract with nursery, so when school ends, he pivots immediately into childcare.  If someone told me I could have 6 more week of holiday a year but I could only spend it watching toddlers during school holidays and couldn't take midweek days off for me or for sick kids I would probably say "no thanks" and stick with my current set up.  Which I guess makes sense because that' the set up I chose.  

How long is your summer?  Do you take a lot of time off over summer? Do you always have a lot of "time off" and then kids are home so you end up with more "time on"?  On a scale from 1 to asleep, how tired would you be watching two year old twins and a five and seven year old all day?

Heatwave survival - school closures, thermal comfort window strategy, reading update, and thankful it's only 24 degrees now.

It's finally not as hot.  I am still very hot.  It turns out Birchie may be a fortune teller:

When I saw her comment that it was hot and then it became gorgeous I thought "sure, gorgeous days, that's something that exists but this heatwave will probably break into rain for endless weeks because.. Wales.  

However... she was right!

As boring as it is, I am looking forward to it being cool enough to clean my house.  We haven't hoovered in weeks, and we've been doing paddling pool, there have been muddy feet everywhere, and everyone has been up until 9:30pm with the heat, and basically our house is a tip.   It is kind of stressing me out how dirty my house is... but not enough to clean it now.  It's still 24 degrees and that's still hot.

Also, I'm just going to be open and transparent here, but there is an actual fly in my house and it drives me insane, but the UK doesn't believe in window screens, so it is part of life and it is gross.

On the hottest days, I embraced the recommendations from the Heatwave toolkit and covered all our windows on the outside, to help deflect heat.  We looked like a completely crazy house, but it was only 31 degrees inside while the outside was 34 so that's kind of a win.

Exterior Thermal Shading of Loft Velux - old blackout blind

Shading of twins room window

Interior view

Many local schools were closed due to heat - our primary was the only one I know of that was open.  They did make school optional for Wed & Thurs, which I think was nice for my kids as classrooms were quiet.  I was in work both days, but had to finish at 3pm because my office is in the loft and it was touching 35 degrees and I could not think. 

After finishing work at 3 I got the paddling pool out, which may have been a mistake because it has a hole (I think they are one year use) and the kids still enjoyed using it before it deflated but they were so loud and I already felt so tired.  I would say there was a definite inverse relationship between the kids paddling pool joy and my own paddling pool experience.

I am sliding into the weekend very worn down and tired and hot and demotivated.  On the plus side, because no one has been sleeping well I have been cracking through this weird book:

It's pretty odd so far, I'm near the end.

Also, I finished What You Are Looking For is At The Library which was just as cute and lovely as everyone on the internet said it would be

Not going to give too much away here, but one story is about a career building mother's return to work and it felt pretty... close.

This weekend my brother is coming to visit (YAY!) and I'm carving out some Rachel time on Saturday morning (it only takes one parent to do 4 kid breakfast, right??) so hopefully that will give me a bit of energy to do the everything else.

What is your heatwave strategy?  Have you ever hung things outside your windows to deflect heat?  Would you be more embarrassed to live in the crazy house with blankets on the outsides of all windows or the house that is dirty and has a fly in it?  (Lucky for me, I don't have to pick just one)

Sunday Update - it's getting hot in here, photo updates of the weekend adventures with Optimistic Elisabeth and RachelinWales

People... it's getting hot.  I am a bit dread-ful (living in dread??) of the next 4 days.  The UK is NOT a hot weather country, we are not a hot weather family... and 35c (95f) is inhumanly hot in a country with no air conditioning.  Eek.

Right now it's 26c/79f and this is my currently:

Water play.  I guess one nice thing about living in a forever wet country is at least we have a lot of water to use when it gets hot!

This weekend has been BUSY.  It's fathers day today and Andy had three goals

1. Go to the beach

2. Go for a solstice bike ride

3. Have a firepit/roast marshmallows.

Yesterday we did have an evening firepit and roasted marshmallows.  Fun fact, marshmallows in the UK are awful.  Maybe all marshmallows are awful, but my mom is bringing some "real" marshmallow (Kraft brand) soon so I can compare and contrast.

Normally I find fire pits immensely stressful because small children and fire is an immensely stressful combo.  But this time I had visiting teenager (Belle) to help, and once again I realize that a teenager is the answer to all my child management concerns

Belle ran twin bedtime AGAIN, which was good because the more lenient parent let the big kids stay up until 8pm.

As an aside: I was recently listening to The Girl Next Door podcast and they had an episode about being Not Fun Moms and I am a Not Fun Mom in lots of ways too.  For instance, I am a bedtime mom.  Get to bed.  At bedtime.  Always.

Big kids stayed up until nearly 9 and then had swim lessons this morning and we all met at the park after. On the way home we had a CATASTROPHIC kid meltdown over who sat where in the car and then certain kids proceed to be too tired to function.  We stopped by a friend for a quick play date (because when your kids are a mess you should lump them on other people?!) and Andy decided afternoon beach was not a good idea. 

I think he should be able to make his bike ride, and beach has been postponed for the future.  Not Fun Mom Rachel is not sad about this.

FYI, I am Sometimes a Fun Mom! Look at this snack I made today.  Fun!

Other weekend adventures included:

Visiting St. Fagan's Open Air Museum with the Optimistic family:

Indy is a playground user extraordinaire, Ezra and Lily are in awe:

We also went to an afternoon tea, where Lily almost fell asleep after eating 3 scones and 5 ham sandwiches:

It was a busy and fun weekend. 

FYI, this blog post is courtesy of the fact that a 5 year old girl can entertain 2 year old twins for almost 20 minutes!   What a treat.

Aubrey has also sorted Clara's shower, which is so helpful

Are you a Not Fun Mom?  Is it time to abandon the UK for a better climate?  Elisabeth has been doing a soft sell on Nova Scotia and I'm pretty ready to move to Canada now...

Friday Manifesto - Schedule Rest.

Currently blogging on a Friday with two sleeping twins. 

Laura Vanderkam's Daily "Vanderhack" email was titled "Plan for Depletion - how do get yourself back on track".

This seems fairly apt for my current state.

It's possibly come across in the blog, but I have been somewhat "meh" as of late.  It's hard to be properly self analytical, but I know I was feeling very very tired since December.  I started sleeping better in April, and the tiredness was replaced by some pretty major grumpy-ness.  I'm not sure if better sleep gave me the energy to be really grumpy, or if something else is causing it, but a bit of googling made me think I've probably just got some mild burnout going on.

I mean, I've got 4 young kids and a almost full-time job and childcare and kid sports and kid friends... it's just... a lot.

I decided, like most rational people in my state, to just push through, do all the kid/family stuff, and keep going as hard and fast as possible in all the areas of life.

I have two classic Rachel sayings that really support this behaviour: "A candle burning on both ends is twice as bright" and "Overtraining is a type of training"

As you may have guessed, this behaviour didn't seem to fix my overwhelming grump.

I decided to start time logging again, to see if perhaps ChatGPT could give me some insight into my life.  I I said "analyze this time log for me" and got the following

"This looks less like a schedule with too much paid work and more like a schedule where childcare, household management and logistics consume nearly every non-work hour, leaving very little protected time for focused personal projects, couple time, or genuine rest.

The biggest pressure point isn't total hours worked—it's the constant switching between responsibilities and the absence of large uninterrupted blocks of discretionary time.

1. Childcare is the biggest category

2. You rarely get uninterrupted time

3. Reading is your main recovery activity

4. Exercise happens but is inconsistent

I guess thanks to ChatGPT for the validation?

Also, let me take a step back and note that I have still been doing fun things.  I had Elisabeth and family over for dinner! I took them to Big Pit! I am not in a constant "woe is me, I do nothing but family" state.  But, I was in a constant "I'm always "on" for family stuff, and I'll incorporate fun stuff into this as well."

A friend asked me on Monday when I get "rest"... when is my downtime.  I told her it was 9:30-11:00 on Fridays when the twins are in Nursery, if there isn't a school thing or a half term.  I was previously considering my work my down time, but my work is hard and that was making it hard to focus.

On Thursday, I did schedule some actual downtime off work, and I went swimming, did daytime reading, and took some easy time. I looked at my planner and goals, and I noted that one of my goals for last year was "schedule rest at regular intervals and not just when completely burnt out".

Oops, sorry previous Rachel!

So this is my Friday manifesto that I am going to schedule some more "me time" on more regular (ie not every 4 months) intervals.  I used to do this - I ran a half marathon last year and ran 3x a week! I used to travel for work! It should be possible for me to have weekly quiet time (outside of Friday 9:30-11:00) which I can use for stuff. Rachel stuff, reading stuff, sports stuff... it should be possible but no one is going to design it for me.  And then maybe once I make it happen I won't resent using other time for all the family stuff... and maybe I'll eventually even get caught up on my photo albums.

Maybe rather than being tired, or energetic and annoyed, I can be energetic and... not annoyed?

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I'm going to end with a whiplash comment that I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH ELISABETH HERE.  We went for a walk on Monday night and I could not remember the last time I had grown up time on a weekday evening.  She babysat mostly sleeping kids so Andy and I could get a drink.  And her kids are amazing with my kids and her daughter can almost run a full bedtime by herself (sometimes tired two year olds just want their mom).  So while I've been generally grumpy, I am also astoundingly thankful for the good fun things that are happening.  As The Lazy Genius says... "Good is here right now"

Belle and Aubrey - both are so cute!

4 Weird British Bathroom Related Things.... on a Friday

This is probably a more random post than normal, but the UK has some weird toilet stuff and I just felt like blogging about it today.  So... here are 4 random toilet related things on a Friday:

Space Saver Toilets

Let's talk about toilets.  There are two weird things I have seen here in the UK.  The first was highlighted by Elisabeth in her recent post - she discovered the weird british Toilet with Sink in the Top.  

Now I don't know if this is uniquely British, but it always struck me as uniquely weird.  

Bathrooms, Toilet Rooms, and Shower Rooms

The second weird toilet thing, and one of my least favourite house layouts in the UK (and also in Europe) is the separate toilet room from shower and sink room.  It seemed fairly common here in the 50s, and we've toured many houses with this design.  There will be one room with a bath/shower and sink, and then a small room with just a toilet.

I find this layout super weird because where am I supposed to wash my hands? Why is there a toilet with no sink? What if a kid wants a quick wee mid-bath?  

I was lamenting this to Elisabeth who said she LOVED this layout because it means the bathroom isn't always taken up whenever anyone wants to do anything shower/toilet related.  I could see her point.  But I am still curious of the wider consensus - is this a brilliant house layout or a relic of the 50's?

Bathroom Lights and Plugs

It's apparently not safe to have plugs or switches in bathrooms in the UK.  Every bathroom either has a pull cord light (not a switch) OR a light switch outside the room.  And there are no real plugs, there are weird UK bathroom plugs, so you can't plug in a hair drier or straighteners or anything useful, except you can plug in a shaver and sometimes an electric toothbrush charger.  

Dentists

OK, this is moving a bit away from toilets, but teeth brushing is a bathroom thing (right?).  Anyways, I feel there is a common consensus internationally that british teeth are not the greatest / most aesthetically pleasing.  I was surprised to learn that british people do not seem to be aware of this generalisation, and were somewhat offended when I may have mentioned it before.  

I pay for a private dentist here, and had a hygienist visit last week (my first in a year... oops!).  A cleaning takes 15 minutes. I am sure that it used to take longer in the states.  It also cost £90 privately, which seems insanely expensive to me, especially for the quickness.  The dentist appointment would be another £90 and is 5 minutes long.

I recently got on the wait list for a NHS dentist (so service would be a lot cheaper).  The waitlist is somewhere between 2 and 3 years.  We also signed up the kids and they apparently get a priority slot, which means they get a visit in October.    

Are separate toilet rooms weird? Am I alone in thinking british people aren't known for their pearly whites? Do you have a switch or a plug in your bathroom?  Would you put a sink in the back of your toilet?

Time Poverty, Ideal Realistic Week, Overall Blah Times But Also Fun Stuff Too

Two clearly not tired twins.

I am writing this blog post at 8:20pm, having just told the twins that if they don't go to sleep they can't go to parties this weekend (because they won't have energy, not because I am a terrible parent threatening not to take them to parties as punishment for not going to sleep, but also maybe I'm that as well.)

For the past many(?) years I've felt pretty optimistic about time.  I've generally felt like there is enough time to do lots of different things and experience a fun and full life of varied activity and interest.

Last October I trained and ran a half marathon.  I did a weekend camping and mountain biking trip when 12 weeks pregnant with the twins, while Ezra was 4 and Lily was 2.  Even last year I went on trips around the UK for work. 

Maybe life with 4 kids under 7 is just that much easier than life with 4 kids under 8?

Right now, all of it seems impossible.   

I was trying to figure out why I feel so time-poor at the moment, and it's entirely the sleep.  Everyone used to be asleep by 7:30.  Now everyone is generally asleep by 8:30.  I know it's just an hour, but it turns out that I only had 2 hours of leisure time a night, and reducing that by half is a pretty major hit to my own time satisfaction.

Maybe I don't remember this sleep transition for Ezra because it happened when Lily was 1.  And I don't remember it with Lily because I was pregnant with the twins.  

Or maybe one just blocks out bedtime nightmares as soon as they are done, although that's intensely annoying because how can I gauge how long this goes on for?

I know I used to be a goals and interests and hobbies person, but I am feeling deeply disinclined to all of it at the moment. 

• I'm in a job that's fine, I don't feel like trying to build a career in any way right now
• I wish I had more time for sport
• My diet is fine/average. I eat basically the same foods for 4 days a week and then eat boring kids meals on the other 3 days
• I have no holidays coming up
• The house is gross or clean, and there are projects on the someday list, but I don't feel like investing energy in them at the moment
• I am 100% so behind on photo albums, I'm not sure if I've now missed almost a whole year of Lily's life?
• The kids are in activities they like and doing different fun stuff

I decided to do a "ideal week" exercise, and block out all the time that was generally accounted for, so I could get a feel for my realistic ideal free time and maybe get a bit inspired.

I came out with the following:

Color Key

Now I guess one could argue that Andy and I could switch off kid duty on weekends, which we kind of have, but also 4 kids is a lot of kids.  I am taking all 4 to the park on Saturday and giving Andy some free time, so I'll be able to cash that in later, but I don't feel like I can stick in a "regular" weekend Rachel slot right now.  

This weekend we have two kids parties, and a family friend play date, and we'll probably try and coax Elisabeth and family into some sort of park adventure.  There are fun things planned!  I guess I could make those into goals like "Go to a park with the kids" but I just feel like the balance of human adult time is way off from where it was a few weeks ago, and I don't really see how/when it's going to get better.

Occasionally kids can play for 5-10 minutes and I can get the dishwasher loaded or the floor hoovered!  That's improvement, right?

 I know that soon (in the scheme of things!) I will not have kids that need watching ALL THE TIME. And that will make things easier.  And this will be a memory.

And, until then, my ideal realistic week has 10 hours a week of scheduled Rachel activity (gym dates & Peloton time).  And 6* hours a week open to whatever I want to do time.  

It's not a lot, but it's not nothing.

*Except this Friday, when I am going to a school event with my 2 hours Rachel time.  So it's 4 hours of Rachel time left...

Bedtime improvement plan & blogger visits & weekend plans

Last night, for the first time in THREE WEEKS, we had a basically tearless bedtime.  This morning I woke up at 6:20am and thought "wow, I have slept so late today".  I am not saying these things to brag about my brilliant life, but to say that *maybe* twin sleep is getting better and *maybe* this is the start of me being a functioning human-person again and not just the "time for bed at 8pm" person I have been for 3 weeks.

When things start to get getter with kids/sleep one always asks "what changed"? Sleep is basically the most superstitious topic in parenting small kids.  

So what changed last night, in our first good bedtime in 3 weeks?

We found someone else to do bedtime.  A teenage girl.  The BEST toddler and kid entertainment that exists.

When I found out blogger extraordinaire Elisabeth was planning a long Europe adventure I reached out with a Wales visit pitch, and since she arrived on Wednesday I have both loved having her around *and* loved watching our kids hang out!  

We have basically been looking for a Belle since we had kids.  I told Andy many times about how teenage year old girls are *the best* for small kids and Belle has been even better than I imagined.

On Friday Belle joined us for school pick up for Ezra and Lily.  Andy asked why.  Why would a teenage  girl want to spend time with kids and toddlers?  Because that's how being an awesome teenage year old girl works.

We even managed to eat dinner outside Friday evening, even though the weather said chance of rain all day.  And her kids didn't mind foraging berries in our garden (because we are apparently raising feral welsh suburban children):

After dinner, Belle ran twin bedtime!  At one point she asked for help, because Andy had closed the stair gate and she was stuck in a room with a nappie-less Clara yelling "need a wee! Need the potty!" while Aubrey tried to take off her own nappy.  However, by 7:30, she read them a story, and by 8pm everyone (even Ezra and Lily!) was asleep.

For the first night in weeks, Andy and I hung out after bedtime and even watched a show.  I used ChatGBP to help find something to watch, and it suggested Big Mistakes, which seems a bit... meh so far.

This weekend we have the kind of weekend where *everyone* has something they are looking forward to.  

• Ezra and I are excited to explore South Wales with Elisabeth and co.  
• Lily, Clara, and Aubrey are excited to go to a 5 year old's birthday party at a soft play.  
• Andy is excited to take the big kids biking tomorrow 

I realize I am the worst scientist, because one good bedtime is not a trend, but this morning I can be optimistic it might be. 

Maybe we will survive this sleep transition.  Maybe.   

Have you watched any good shows recently?  How do I find a teenage year old girl to help us with our kids all the time?  

Recent Frugal Wins

Overall I am not currently a frugal person.  I am rather... time frugal.  I don't have a lot of time. Sometimes I use money instead.  For instance, This morning I bought a £40 backpack to replace my very broken nappy bag. 

It was on sale from £60, but that's still a lot to spend on a backpack

But *sometimes* I am frugal!  Here are a few recent frugal wins:

I used a guarantee to get a refund for this pan

I've been contemplating switching out our nonstick for stainless pans.  I have a big stainless pan, but non stick is so easy to cook with and clean.  On the flipside, it also has forever chemicals and may cause cancer... but I do like the easy cleanup.  

About a year ago I bought a new nonstick pan with a 15 year guarantee and last week I noticed the nonstick was starting to come away.  I called the seller and they have authorized a return and refund.  Win!

I got a £10 credit for poor delivery

When the twins needed toddler beds we needed a new mattress NOW.  We ordered next day delivery from IKEA.  It arrived with a tear in the packaging and a scuff mark on the mattress.  

It wasn't bad enough that I couldn't use it, but I wasn't happy with paying £10 for the delivery either.  A quick conversation with IKEA support and I got a £10 for my next shop

I picked up a Lite-Brite at a Charity Shop

I remember loving Lite-Brite.  This was £4 and it came with batteries! It's also the good 1980's plastic - I forgot how solid plastic things used to be.

I Bought a Second Hand Cookbook

This cookbook was mentioned on an episode of Girl Next Door Podcast and I love trying to cook with less sugar so I really wanted a copy.  They didn't have it at my library, but I found a copy from a used book dealer, and then found a 20% off coupon so it was only £4.50.  I'm excited to cook from it!

I got a Replacement Pair of Jeans

OK, I feel like half my frugal wins are complaining about poor products, but everyone should stop selling junk that falls apart.  I bought a new pair of jeans in January and it ripped in May.  I did not notice the tear but it was in a rather obvious spot for others, and certainly showcased my £5 colorful undies from Sainsburys

I wrote to Crew and they sent me a replacement pair.  These were my favourite jeans so I'm glad I have another pair, hopefully they will last longer!

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Those are my frugal wins as of late!  Have you had any recent frugal wins?