Time Poverty, Ideal Realistic Week, Overall Blah Times But Also Fun Stuff Too

Two clearly not tired twins.

I am writing this blog post at 8:20pm, having just told the twins that if they don't go to sleep they can't go to parties this weekend (because they won't have energy, not because I am a terrible parent threatening not to take them to parties as punishment for not going to sleep, but also maybe I'm that as well.)

For the past many(?) years I've felt pretty optimistic about time.  I've generally felt like there is enough time to do lots of different things and experience a fun and full life of varied activity and interest.

Last October I trained and ran a half marathon.  I did a weekend camping and mountain biking trip when 12 weeks pregnant with the twins, while Ezra was 4 and Lily was 2.  Even last year I went on trips around the UK for work. 

Maybe life with 4 kids under 7 is just that much easier than life with 4 kids under 8?

Right now, all of it seems impossible.   

I was trying to figure out why I feel so time-poor at the moment, and it's entirely the sleep.  Everyone used to be asleep by 7:30.  Now everyone is generally asleep by 8:30.  I know it's just an hour, but it turns out that I only had 2 hours of leisure time a night, and reducing that by half is a pretty major hit to my own time satisfaction.

Maybe I don't remember this sleep transition for Ezra because it happened when Lily was 1.  And I don't remember it with Lily because I was pregnant with the twins.  

Or maybe one just blocks out bedtime nightmares as soon as they are done, although that's intensely annoying because how can I gauge how long this goes on for?

I know I used to be a goals and interests and hobbies person, but I am feeling deeply disinclined to all of it at the moment. 

• I'm in a job that's fine, I don't feel like trying to build a career in any way right now
• I wish I had more time for sport
• My diet is fine/average. I eat basically the same foods for 4 days a week and then eat boring kids meals on the other 3 days
• I have no holidays coming up
• The house is gross or clean, and there are projects on the someday list, but I don't feel like investing energy in them at the moment
• I am 100% so behind on photo albums, I'm not sure if I've now missed almost a whole year of Lily's life?
• The kids are in activities they like and doing different fun stuff

I decided to do a "ideal week" exercise, and block out all the time that was generally accounted for, so I could get a feel for my realistic ideal free time and maybe get a bit inspired.

I came out with the following:

Color Key

Now I guess one could argue that Andy and I could switch off kid duty on weekends, which we kind of have, but also 4 kids is a lot of kids.  I am taking all 4 to the park on Saturday and giving Andy some free time, so I'll be able to cash that in later, but I don't feel like I can stick in a "regular" weekend Rachel slot right now.  

This weekend we have two kids parties, and a family friend play date, and we'll probably try and coax Elisabeth and family into some sort of park adventure.  There are fun things planned!  I guess I could make those into goals like "Go to a park with the kids" but I just feel like the balance of human adult time is way off from where it was a few weeks ago, and I don't really see how/when it's going to get better.

Occasionally kids can play for 5-10 minutes and I can get the dishwasher loaded or the floor hoovered!  That's improvement, right?

 I know that soon (in the scheme of things!) I will not have kids that need watching ALL THE TIME. And that will make things easier.  And this will be a memory.

And, until then, my ideal realistic week has 10 hours a week of scheduled Rachel activity (gym dates & Peloton time).  And 6* hours a week open to whatever I want to do time.  

It's not a lot, but it's not nothing.

*Except this Friday, when I am going to a school event with my 2 hours Rachel time.  So it's 4 hours of Rachel time left...