5 on a Friday - Oven Update, Wacky Weather, WhatsApp & Phones, and a Reading Update

I am currently posting from Friday twin naptime. I have a list of things to do and the house is chaos and also... it's time to write a blog post.  All the other stuff can be done later (probably).  So here's some random Friday updates for you all

Oven Update:

Start with the most exciting - we got our oven cleaned!  I loved all the replies about my cleaning adventures.  I am so curious why my oven gets so so gross, or whether everyone's oven is gross and other people just aren't bothered by gross ovens.   I've never been bothered by anyone else's oven so maybe I need to lower my oven cleanliness standards.

Either way, a clean oven is nice.  Here is before:

And After:

It turns out the glass window can be see through. Who knew??!

May Weather

I almost wrote March weather because yesterday it HAILED!  It's been so cold recently that we've started turning our heat on again, overnight temperatures around 40f/5c and the house is 60f/16c.  It really feels like February and I am not cool with it. (I mean, I'm literally cold with it)

The kids were very intrigued by the hail though:

Whatsapp

Well after 4 years of not using WhatsApp I decided to sign up again.  No major reason why...  I think primarily I felt like it would be easier to batch my texting if I could use the web to send texts.  I basically feel Whatsapp is a new iteration of email threads, which is why I think everyone hates email and then just uses email adjacent things and kind of hates those too.

I probably should write a bigger reflection post on what 4 years of no whatsapp has taught me, but like my travel blog posts and recipe posts this may never happen.  The main thing I realized is that I like seeing people and hanging out with people and the rest of the stuff that happens on phones is just... stuff.  I didn't lose anything social by not being on it, and I'm hoping I won't lose anything social by actually being on it either.

If you want to read lots of thoughts on my complicated relationship with WhatsApp, I've got a lot of posts here

Phone Stuff

I still feel like my use of phone is too interrupting.  As in, I don't spend a lot of time on the phone, but I use it frequently during the day as a distraction device.  I've been at about 2 hours a day for a while now.  I know sometimes that's google maps or taking videos or facetime... but I also pick up my phone 70 times a day. That's 4 times an hour, every 15 minutes of my waking life.  Not ideal.  It will be interesting to see if the addition of whatsapp increases or decreases this or has no impact at all.

Reading Life

I just realized that the Modern Mrs Darcy Summer reading guide is out soon! And then I checked and it's out today! I am excited to flip through it and start crafting my summer reading life.  I have slowed down a bit on my reading recently, however I've really enjoyed some recent reads.

Katabasis by R.F. Kuang

I felt this had mixed reviews but I LOVED it.  I loved the characters. I loved the smarts. I feel like this was written specifically for me, and also Rachel who comments on this blog, and also anyone who went to Reed College.  I mean, it's a book about smart people thinking that being smart is the best, while also generally being unhappy about their entire lives, and especially the bits related directly to being smart.  It's a book about social awkwardness.  In my opinion, it's a book about neurodiversity.  I loved it and I also feel all the criticism I read about it is valid and I can see why many people would not love it.

How To Read A Book by Monica Wood

This was a Lisa recommendation and I loved it.  Very different than what I normally read, but I super enjoyed reading perspectives of multiple characters in lives very different than mine.  

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

This is for book club and I am really enjoying it.  It would probably be even better on Audio.  Plus the main character is a blogger! So that's extra fun.

Have you had any great reads recently?  Is it annoyingly cold where you are? Is being overly interested in our phone use still a thing or is that something of the bygone 2024 era?

Phone Thoughts, Social Media, Screentime

There were some interesting posts recently about social media and quitting social media.  This is often linked to phone use, and it's an interesting reminder to me that there is a whole giant world of apps and social media that have small to large effects on people's reality, and which have zero effect on my own reality.   

By not being on any social media I have decoupled my phone use with social media app use.  

And yet, I still feel like I use my phone too much.  I know I do, because I find myself grabbing it at quiet moments to look at *something*

Or when babies are being particularly needy and climbing on me and I just need to pass 20 minutes to the next nap or snack or activity or whatever.

Also, I spend an average of 1hr 20 minutes on my phone a day.  That's like... 9 hours a week?  That's a lot of time.

Some of it, or most of it, isn't otherwise useful time.  but what do I *do* for those hours?

A bunch of nothing:

Anything on Safari is me wasting time.  And then the fact that it could pick out BBC from my safari hits was not good.  Nothing on BBC is good.  Why do I use my phone as a tiny portal to bring the world's horrors into my mind at any moment?  Why do I need to know what person killed what other person, what kid got a disease that's very sad, what country is launching what attacks on what other country... all while standing in my own comfy home?

Does it make me any more informed to spend random midday minutes consuming other people's horrors via my phone?

No, it does not.  It doesn't make me feel good either.  It doesn't help the world.  

So, I took the un-drastic action of blocking news websites from my phone.  FYI, this can be done in the parental controls section, under limiting adult websites.  Here is a list of my vices:

And now, I don't use my phone for news.  It's been a week.  I still use my phone too much.  But at least I don't use it for news?

Also, messages.  I apparently spend 2 hours a week messaging people on my phone.  This seems... crazy.  I don't have long form text correspondences.  I very intentionally only have text conversations that result in something in person.  I use texting for arranging my social life only.  I never do a "hey, how's it going" text unless it's followed with "let's hang out on x date" or "are you free on x weekend" or "let's catch up soon, free for a call this evening?".   I'm amazed that even without using texting as a way of "staying in touch" I'm able to spend 2+ hours a week on it.  

[FYI - this was a big lesson from when Andy and I both switched to dumb phones.  I realized I was using my phone for friendship maintenance, group chats, and other "girl" things.  Andy was only using his phone to organizing things.  I've very intentionally tried to ensure my text use supports things to do, rather than things to say.  My friends will know I'm there for them when I see them.  I don't feel my friendships have suffered by me not engaging in long form text correspondence]

I don't have a great answer.  I think my ideal is less than an hour a day.  But that means I don't default to phone jiggery when I have down time, and that I'm intentionally off the phone, rather than making the phone super boring.  Or maybe my life is just sometimes  more boring than a phone right now.

On Awkwardness and Values and WhatsApp and School

In our home, Andy is the school parent.  He does school emails, he does school parties.  He does the calendar. 

A few weeks ago Isaac missed a birthday party.  Or rather, the party missed him - it had been moved last minute to a new location due to a punctured bouncy castle.

Andy had corresponded with the party parent (after showing up at the original location) and they were super apologetic.  She had told the WhatsApp group and the parents at pick up, but apparently we weren't at pick up on that day, and neither Andy or I have WhatsApp.

At pick up, I heard someone asking for Isaac.  It was the party parent.  She had brought sweets as an apology. I assured her there was no problem and told her we're not on Whatsapp.  "Oh - WhatsApp is easy and can be good for getting information like school dress day" she said.

"Yes, but Andy doesn't have it, and I don't want it because I'll become default parent with lots of messages" I said, before realising that was akin to saying "I don't want to hear from you".  Embarrassed, but apparently unable to stop digging, I then doubled down and said "And I don't really do school stuff, that's really Andy. I don't even usually do pick up, I'm just here to get a break from my 5 month old twins"

So there was a pause, and she was super nice, and we chatted a bit more, but I still feel like a rather big A**hole.

To alleviate my feelings I played a gender reverse game.  What if a Dad was there and said "Oh we don't use WhatsApp, and all this school stuff is really my wife's thing.  I'm not even into doing this pickup, just here to help out you know??" 

Yes, he would sound like a bit of a useless dude, but it wouldn't be a shocking reveal.

I felt bad about my comments in the evening and thought about texting the parent to say thanks for the sweets... but then I decided that there had been enough texting.  She seemed really nice. I don't do school stuff.  I don't want to do school stuff.  I don't like doing long form texting without having a specific social or real life meet-up in mind.  So I left it and told Isaac to thank the child for the sweets.

Perhaps as a parent it seems odd to not be on WhatsApp - perhaps my kid is missing out on lots of birthday parties and perhaps he wouldn't have accidentally worn a uniform on non-uniform days if we were on the platform.  

But I would also have more messages, more parent things, more social things, more birthdays.  I would know people I don't need to.  I would have more reasons to touch my phone.

I thought about a Jehovas Witness who was in school with me.  He didn't celebrate birthdays or halloween.  We all thought "how sad he doesn't get these holidays!".  But I doubt he experienced life that way.  Perhaps the parents on WhatsApp think it's sad Isaac misses things.  I don't currently have a need for more things.  Our weekends are full. Our weeks are full.  We put reminders in the calendar for uniform days... or we miss them.  

If we someday decide we need more things, more reminders, we can join Whatsapp.  For now, more is not better. More is more. Right now, we have enough.

On not using a Smartphone: The Why

I've been pondering recently - how did I get here?  Why am I the weirdo with a Nokia 105?  Even Cal Newport, of Digital Minimalism Fame, says the phone is fine, but it's how we use it that's the problem.

I think my main issue with that argument is that I feel it's the same as "it's not junk food, it's that you eat it" or "It's not alcohol that causes the problem, it's how much you drink".  Very true - but I am more likely to eat too much junk food if presented with a buffet, and I definitely notice overconsumption increases at a free bar.  

One of my nicknames is "All or Nothing Rachel".  It could be that everyone else is better at controlling their screen time than me.  I found, when I had a smartphone, I looked at it a lot.  Screen time was 4+ hours a day. If someone texted me I would text back... and check something else.  I would spend 20 minutes on a single WhatsApp chat back and forth - and when I was pulled away I would come straight back to see if I missed any messages.

I would be at the park with my kids and think about a quick thing I needed to know/do, and out would come the smart phone.  Maybe this is innocuous to some - adding groceries to a list or checking the weather - but for me this meant I diverted my attention from what I was doing and onto something else.  For my simple little brain I could never just focus on the moment I was in.  For a person prone to overthinking anyways I don't think constantly switching and optimizing with the entire world, from reality to screen, was good for my brain.  

Like most people, I would get my phone out when it was boring.  The train, or a queue.  If I started to feel anxious or scrambled I would grab the phone to sink into it's warm oblivion.  It didn't make me feel better, really.  It just made me feel different.  I didn't have other things "to do" with that time.  But maybe there is value in doing nothing, in giving you head some blank space.

Why was a I filling every moment with thoughts and actions, accelerated by my phone, to the point that I needed the headspace app on my phone to try to unclutter all these thoughts and actions I had spent all day doing?

So yes, I could try rules to use it less - I started by only checking WhatsApp in the evenings.  Or not going on BBC all day.  But then, the Analogue August idea hit - and I thought that instead of working backwards from where I was I could just give it all up for a month.  Maybe I would hate it and go straight back after a month.  People can do lots of things for a month.

I didn't hate it though. If I hadn't tried it for a month I never would have done it.  Maybe this is how people who cut out sugar or coffee feel.  Maybe I did the "Whole 30" of technology.  If, at some point, I think my life will be better by using a smartphone I'll certainly go back.  For now, I am embracing Gretchen Ruben's Satisficer mentality.  My life is not worse than it was, so that's good enough for me!

It's "no phones" not "no doing nothing on your phone"

We've had increasing numbers of houseguests recently, which has been awesome because I love people visiting.  But it's also interesting to see other peoples routines and habits and how they fit into our house.

As previously mentioned, we mostly don't use phones/tablets/computers in our house, and especially not around the kids.  Of course I used a computer to write this blog, and I have an ipod (what I call my "Smart Camera") to take photos of the kids and listen to audiobooks, but we never scroll, we don't use social media, and we have a general "hands off the phone" lifestyle.  My husband is much better about this than me, but I am pretty low-internet as compared to mos.

We don't always tell our no phones in communal spaces rule to people before the visit, and I need to get better at explaining our house rules.

I don't ban scrolling or phone use when it's adults hanging out in the house, but I do find myself bored when I'm chatting with a guest and they get their phone out to look something up and then look something else up and then ??? I'm not sure what people do on their phones.

I've also realized that I think in normal groups, if one person starts playing on their phone then everyone starts playing, and it's not so glaringly uncomfortable.  When there are three people chatting and scrolling it's probably not weird.  When one person is scrolling and one person is waiting it just seems... odd.

I will definitely comment if someone gets a phone out during a meal.  I feel that "no phones at the dinner table" is a pretty understandable rule.

On occasions where I've had to ask someone to put their phone away - the dinner table or in front of the kids being two examples - whoever I ask usually gives the same answer.

"Oh I was just looking something up/checking the weather/checking my email/doing something"

The funny thing about this answer is that, of course they were.  Everyone is doing something on their phone.  No one is looking at it for no reason... or rather each person has their own reason to look.  and our rule isn't "no phones at the dinner table unless you need to look something up / check email / do something".  The rule is "no phones at the table".

I still need to get a sign that says "This is a no smoking no smart phone house.  Smoking can be done outside, and smartphones can be used upstairs".

On a completely different note:

This morning we had a grocery delivery this morning, and I painfully learned to check my online order, because there is a rather large difference between 0.5kg onions and 5kg of onions.

Now I own a lot of onions.

Recipe ideas anyone?

Screen Time and Kids - Is Personal Judgement Judgmental?

My writing club this evening turned into a life-catch-up club.  It was great, but poor N did not get too much writing done.

Of the myriad topics covered, much linked back to shame and parenting choices.  The question I'm currently musing is as follows:

We do not do screens for our kids - ipads or tablets or smartphones.  Sometimes other parents will suggest tablets for entertaining kids, usually in the context of "oh, that's a long car ride! Just get the tablet out" or "we mainly use tablets at [restaurants/errands/boring things]".   If I say "oh, we don't do screens" the other parent either thinks we're weird, or they feel the need to defend their actions... "Oh we don't use them much, but they're helpful for the [car/errands/dinner]".  

Is there an answer which isn't judgmental to the choices of others?  Or is the choice I've made to limit screens inherently judgmental of those who don't?  In my judgement, limiting screens is the best for my children.

I don't judge them for their values, but I don't judge their values as being best for my kids.

Is that just a semantic difference?

I am lucky as my kids are so young, and I know the stakes will change quickly as they get older.  

Perhaps I mostly avoid these awkward discussions by already being the weirdos in the smartphone free house.  Once people know we don't do Whatsapp or social texting they don't think it's odd that we don't give screens to our kids.  

I find it weird that the normal analogue childhood of 1990s is now, to some, an unnecessary effort bordering on extremist technophobe.  Was 1990s child rearing was so intolerable for parents that we must use screens now to avoid inflicting the same on ourselves?  Or am I the luddite who laments the arrival of printed books as destroying the memorised story?  

This photo is unrelated to my post, but I went for a lovely walk outside my house yesterday in an attempt to recover from my GWI (Generic winter Illness).  The walk cured me.   Being outside is about the best drug there is (for GWI).  Also, my 17c/62f degree house felt a lot warmer after being outside.

this weather is highly unusual here.  Normally we get 3 months of 50c/10f and rain. Not this:

Gendered Impact of Technology: Whatsapp and Social Plans

I've spent some time considering the differences between my WhatsApp departure and my husband's WhatsApp departure,  and I am starting to wonder whether the disparate reactions are indicative of a larger gendered impact of smartphone technology on women.

Social planning is an area where women tend to take a larger role, and social apps have generally increased the time investment involved for social planning.  

In the olden days, such as 1980, we planned a party by mailing invites to our friends.

In the "middle days", such as 1995, we called people, or emailed a suggested date or two.

Now, much of our social activity is planned by mutual consent on a WhatsApp group.  A steady stream of communication, suggestions, amendments.

Organizing a dinner can take days - deciding on a date, a time, a venue.  All of this is done publicly, under the observation and commentary of the other members of the group.  Everyone can add an opinion, about anything, at anytime.  Opinions are free, and we all want to do what is best for everyone.

It's a very kind way of organizing, and very inclusive.  And it suits everyone, and it's free. 

The problem is... time isn't free.  Organizing via individual invitation takes a set amount of time.  Organizing through hive mind communication has no defined time commitment.  It could take days or weeks, you could need to reply with many positive agreements or supportive options.  Maybe everyone has a different option.  Maybe you had an idea but others have another idea and everyone wants to be polite.

The cost of all of it is time.  Fractured bits of time, unclear negotiations, and a the potential for a steady low level anxiety that you're doing the wrong thing, or said the wrong thing, or are being too bossy or indecisive.

All of this extra time and anxiety is centred somewhere.  If women are traditionally/historically the primary social planners and organizers they become the default carriers of any additional load from the planning process. 

This transition happened so quickly, so naturally, that I don't think we remember how it used to be.  I don't remember it taking this much time to plan something.  I don't think the plans we make are changing, so it can only be that the way we plan is changing.  I wonder if we're generally aware of any gendered implications of that change.

Friendship and Planning

I've been thinking about friendships and planning.  As a person who plans, I am very proactive about my social life.  If I like someone I want to see them.  This is only exacerbated by the fact that I don't have a smartphone, so I don't do long form texting, I don't do WhatsApp, and I don't do social media.  If I want to know what's going on in someone's life I make plans to see them in person.  

At the same time, if someone wants to know what's happening in my life they need to make plans with me, for all the aforementioned reasons.

I find myself making more plans than I'm invited to, and lopsided friendships have always been a fear of mine.  It's a teenage anxiety that still manifests when I realize I haven't heard from someone, and I want to see them, and also that I'm always the one arranging.  

In my twenties I had a "three times invite" rule - I can't actually remember whether the rule was that I would only ask someone to do something 3 times and if they said no then I wouldn't ask again, or whether I would only instigate events 3 times and if they didn't reciprocate I wouldn't ask again.  Either way, it was such a hard and fast rule that other people parroted it back to me.  Usually along the lines of "I know you have a rule of three but I'm so sorry please don't stop being my friend"

In fact, that line, which was said to me, is probably evidence enough that people like spending time with me.

So then I started to wonder whether the people I make plans with don't feel the drive as much as I do because their social needs are more satiated digitally.  Is that a bad thing?  Am I avoiding a party that everyone else is at, then wondering why no one hangs out with me?

I am also aware that the "busy years" are not necessarily people's prime friendship years.  Maybe everyone else with one or two children under five years old is just tired, and getting through, and not planning meetups.  Maybe my wholistic approach to my calendar means that I track better when I see people and how much time has passed between meetings.  

Maybe other people are happier at home, by themselves.  The pandemic has normalized a level of introversion like never before.  I am sure some people liked lockdown, but I like people.  I liked my life before.  I never felt other people were social obligations, I feel like other people are social opportunities. 

I have a good friend, who passed away far too young.  She was living a life that I aspired to live. Before she got sick she always had time for people, and when she got sick she had even more time.  "People, not things" became her ongoing mantra.  Happiness is in people.  At the end all we have is people.

So I continue to make plans, because people are all we have.  

Bus still, no matter how old I get, I may always worry that I have no friends.

Reading Update - The End of Absence and I Miss You When I Blink

I just finished my 48th book for 2022.  This is rather astounding as I basically didn't read at all between 2010 and 2020.  

I Miss You When I Blink was just as good as I hoped it would be.

I read The End of Absence this month.  It was interesting to read a book about the internet written in 2014.  It was interesting to remember that fairly recently the internet used to be so much different.  It was also interesting to realize that 1985 really is the cutoff point of pre and post internet life... and internet free childhood.  

I wonder what those born 10 years earlier that me think about this - do they relish the fact that they didn't have ubiquitous internet until after college?  I don't think internet was a great addition to my college experience.  

People 5 years either side of me probably didn't use GeoCities.  Or StumbleUpon.  Or forge friendships through the chimes of AIM (Aol Instant Messenger)

Remember when we thought the internet was an unexplored world of limitless possibility?  

StumbleUpon was the start of the internet entertainment lever.  "Show me a thing" you told the button and the button showed you a thing.

The End of Absence had some fascinating points.  Firstly, Michael Harris thought of Analogue August before I did.  On day 24 of his internet abstinence project he writes:

"Behavior that seemed utterly normal on the 30th of July now looks compulsive and animalistic. Now when I see teenager girls burrowed into their phones on the sidewalk I think of monkeys picking lice out of each other's hair"

That's what resonates with me, in my own internet experiment.  What if instead of a phone everyone was holding a banana? And every few minutes each person checked their banana?  Families at a table in a restaurant showing each other their favorite bananas?  Sitting down on the sofa after a day of work and staring mindlessly at a banana?

Harris was also on point with the following: 

"Nothing is as enthralling as the lovely, comforting, absence destroying internet"

Gendered Impact of Technology - WhatsApp Groups

I've spent some time considering the differences between my WhatsApp departure and my husband's WhatsApp departure,  and I am starting to wonder whether the disparate reactions are indicative of a larger disparate gendered impact of smartphone technology for women.

Generally, any person's WhatsApp is full of groups.  Before I left WhatsApp, I had many of them and I liked each person in all of them.  In fact, I created them or joined them to be full of people I liked.

At the same time, they were all commitments.  In a sense, these groups are akin to tiny Tamagotchis, all needing intermittent care and attention.  I loved the little serotonin hit I got from a new message, a quick distracting update from friends. I felt bad for the sadness people would share, bad news needed consolation. Quick wit needed to be quick.  People remembered birthdays and anniversaries and I needed to show I remember them too.

I don't think men engage with Whatsapp in this way.  Andy's WhatsApp was not full of groups.  The groups he was in would banter back and forth to the point where he didn't have to read it.  He didn't worry about missing an important update.  About not saying "happy birthday" on time.  He used it as a tool to make plans.   

For me, the line between correspondence and obligation seemed to blur.  Was I cultivating friendships in these groups?  Or were these groups the friendships in themselves?

Whatsapp groups fundamentally appeal to social and interpersonal relationships.  Women are often more affected by social bonds than men are.  Creating a second life where women maintain their friendships online, on their smart phones, outside of their interpersonal interactions, only adds to the social-emotional mental load women bear.  

Dispatches from Heathrow Airport terminal 5

Today went to Heathrow Airport to collect two of our favorite friends who flew all the way from Portland to visit us.  They are absolute legends who made the 11 hour flight with their 18 month old.  

While waiting at arrivals I realized I hadn't been to an airport since we flew to the states in 2019.   

I'm not sure if it's pandemic, or having kids, or both, but I could barely handle the excitement and emotion at arrivals.   I was at international arrivals, and I came near tears each time a child squealed and rand into their parents/grandparents arms as they came through the doors.

I think a lot about absence and the value of interpersonal interaction.  I couldn't think of any amount of WhatsApp or FaceTime that would provoke anything similar to those arrivals hugs.  

I wondered how long it had been for these people, and how many people expected it to be that long.  No one.

The world seemed so big, since 2020.  I spent so much time at airports before then.  I never used to notice what was happening around me.  I don't remember noticing the kids.  Or the mom who lept over the boundary to hug her teenage daughter, with the same overwhelming desire as the toddler running to his grandfather.

For now, I am so excited to see our friends again.  I have missed people a lot.

Analogue August - A month (or 14) without WhatsApp

In July 2021 the Brewer Half (now my brewer husband, now not brewing anymore, so perhaps I should just call him Andy?) quit WhatsApp.  He was met with mostly accolades for taking a stand against evil Zuckerberg.

Everything went on as normal, without WhatsApp.  I filled him in on our groups and organized our social life and he moved his bike riding group to texting.  The adjustment was minor.

I wanted to give it a go.  I wondered if there was perhaps a world of people outside my phone.  I wondered whether leaving all my groups and my friends across the world behind would mean the end of our friendships, or whether it would be a transition to something else.   I could always send emails instead of whatsapps.  Or I could write letters.  Or I could call?  There were many ways to stay in touch without that icon guiding my life.  And, tangentially, I wondered how close or important a friendship really was if deleting a free app was the end of it all.

I texted some friends and some family and some groups and told them I was going to be off WhatsApp for August.  I was a bit worried but Andy said it was great.  I did enjoy the process of deleting.  But - unlike deleting Facebook so many years ago - I didn't feel instantly relieved.  I felt sort of lonely.  I was glad to be away from the WhatsApp commitments, but I was also disappeared from a whole world.  Work chats, friend chats, parents chats. I didn't have any long form communication on my phone anymore and I didn't have anything to "check" when I wanted that smartphone distraction.

"I never know how to reach you anymore" was a common refrain from my friends, even though I had the same number as before.

What I realized, slowly, was that WhatsApp had become a social beast to feed.  It was papering over my lack of interpersonal connection with a series of alert induced serotonin hits and feeling part of a "community".  Whatsapp people were my friends - but we were expressing our friendship in the oddest way.  "here's a photo I think you'll find funny!" is nice to receive - but suddenly I realized it was probably sent to 5 or 10 people.  A text that says "thinking of you" can be circulated to 30 people in under a minute.  When people had to think of me in classic SMS text, outside of WhatsApp, they suddenly appeared to think of me less.  

The experiment wasn't only about logging off of WhatsApp. It was about seeing what community still existed. It was about trying to appreciate my true interpersonal conversation and connections more.  When I meet with friends I have so much to catch up on now - because we haven't given each other a running log of our lives.  I have phone conversations - I started calling people.  Calling is awkward but fills the loneliness far better than waiting for a WhatsApp.

I also realized that if I was lonely without WhatsApp it meant I was lonely with WhatsApp.  I just hadn't realized it.

Analogue August continued.  I don't feel the urge to get back on the messenger.  I know I miss things - I don't know about restaurants or classes.  I don't see frequent photos of people I like a lot.  But I also value the time I spend with my friends and family more.  I plan more social engagements and miss people when I haven't seen them for too long.  

I also don't know how I had time for WhatsApp before - my phone used to show 30-60 minutes of WhatsApp use a day.  Now, with no WhatsApp, I never reach the end of my days wondering what to do with my 30-60 minutes.  How did I have time for that before?

So Analogue August 2021 has continued through to Analogue October 2022.  It's been an interesting experiment but I'm still enjoying it!

And, if you're wondering, this is my current beast of a phone.  I adore it:

I've posted more about my decision and transition here

And got a bit introspecting on whether smartphones are widening a gender attention gap here