School Emails
Andy is the school boss. I am the paid childcare boss. Our school has an email system which sends SO MANY EMAILS. They come to all of us via a shared email address. I could feel my brain cluttering up with emails - did Andy sign that permission slip for a school trip? Are we collecting toilet rolls for art projects? I was trying to think of a good way to manage all these emails - maybe we could review all the emails at our Logistics meetings? Maybe we could keep an email record of things the school needed?
I wanted to ask him and check, but I also knew that school was his job and he doesn't check on my jobs.
And then I realized the problem wasn't the emails, or Andy's job. The problem was that this was in my head at all. So I created a filter in my email and sent all emails from the school directly into the archive. Now I don't see them. My brain feels lighter! If we miss something... well it wasn't me that missed it. And he did sign the permission slip... without me asking.
Rubbish
Andy is in charge of rubbish. He takes it out of the house and he puts it on the curb on the right day. He checks if we have enough bin bags and recycling bags. He is in charge of it all.
Recently our local council decided to change our recycling scheme. Not, instead of. collecting a trash every 2 weeks, nappies every week, and combined recycling every week, they have presented us with many different bags to collect many different things on many different weeks.
This probably makes sense, but it does mean a fundamental change to our sorting system. It was only a few months ago when I got my shiny kitchen bin with trash on one side on recycling on the other! And, as silly as it is, I really like my shiny bin.
Now we have four different sortings to do, and this is a two compartment bin. Andy suggested we get a different bin system for the kitchen. At first, I was annoyed because I just figured our our current system, and now I had to figure out a new system. I did some quick googling, I thought aobut our space... and then I remembered....
Andy is the rubbish person. He can find a new bin. He can order it! This is totally not my job. His comment of "We need to get a different bin" was not "hey Rachel, order a different bin" it was the observation a new bin may be required.
So I have left it. And my bin is still there. And someday Andy will find his new system, which he will check with me, and I can think about it then. But for now this system works for me.
Mental load is real and very legit - but I do try to be mindful of what is really my load and what I am making my load for no good reason.
It's impressive the perspective you maintain even with the lack of sleep and young kids. To be able to step back and realize, "oh, he's not saying this AT me" about needing a new trash can is next level. I admire you so much. -other Rachel
ReplyDeleteHaha yeah - I wonder how many other things were said around me that I considered said "at" me!
DeleteAs a random corollary... what if my whole "go getter" persona at work is based on me not understanding when I'm *not* being asked to do something?
That is a theory playing with existential fire right there. -Rachel
DeleteI love this attitude. It's fantastic. In our household, we don't really have assigned "jobs," and I think it does cause problems! Because then we are both thinking about/worrying about things. It's inefficient.
ReplyDeleteYou have mentioned your Logistics Meetings before and I would love to know more about them - how they originated, what they consist of, any ways they've changed or improved over time . IF and when you ever have the bandwidth to address the topic, lol!
I did actually write about it once here: http://www.rachelinwales.com/2022/11/how-we-organize-everything-flom-family.html
DeleteBut I should do an update because are definitely not that thorough now!
Ooooh thanks! That was fascinating to read. I love how organized you are. Now I need to think about whether/how I could try to institute this in my own family.
DeleteWha...whoa...my takeaway from this is that I can let other family members just do their jobs without me following up!!! My mind is blown!
ReplyDeleteI know! I never would have guessed it either! :-D
DeleteI am in a heterosexual relationship and I thought when I got married that I would never have to worry about trash, bugs, or small dead animals again. That was HIS job. But it turns out that he works most nights when the trash needs to get taken out and the last time there was a dead small mammal in our yard he was out of town and I had to deal with it. UGH. I don't really insist on traditional gender roles, but I think we can all admit I shouldn't have to deal with dead animals, right?!?!
ReplyDeleteI did not mean for our relationship to fall so quickly down gender lines but here we are... I would NOT be happy to have do do dead animal things! And the rubbish is just an easier thing to offload. I also hate when there are spiders when the kids are about and I have to pretend I am not totally grossed out by it.
Deleterelationships mean a lot of things to a lot of people but not dealing with dead animals seems like an important part of it! :-D