Here are some of the things I have figured out since they were born by naming what matters (stolen from the Lazy Genius!) and letting go of the rest
Rachel Morning Time:
Right now it is my Rachel morning time, so I am doing Rachel morning stuff. I can see the following things from where I am sat in the dining room:
- 2 dirty nappies
- the nappy bag on the floor
- a tumbled down lincoln log house
- a sticky floor
- a puzzle box lid (begs the question, where is the rest of the puzzle and box?)
Prior to these baby things I could have spent a quick 15 minutes sorting this all out. However... I may only have 15 minutes of time for me right now, and I know that what matters to me is me time. So instead I am blogging, and assuming the mess will get cleaned up later. The important thing about morning time is it's my time
Don't be precious about food:
There's a chicken carcass in a bag on the counter in the kitchen. Why? I assume that was a forgotten Andy project to freeze for stock. I think past Rachel would have been annoyed - are we a family that wastes a good stock-chicken? But we can buy more chicken someday. Stock was an Andy project. Seems a waste of a plastic bag, but we also have a lot of plastic bags.
I got a lot of chocolate and biscuits after the babies were born and my natural inclination is to save the best ones for "special" occasions. I used to get annoyed if Andy at my Tony's chocolony bar because I love them! But they sell them at the small grocery store down the road. I can afford a £3 bar of chocolate. I am very lucky. I used to have nice cheddar for eating and cheaper cheddar for cooking. If someone uses the nice cheddar for cooking I can get more cheddar. Just be happy someone else is cooking. If someone eats the last bagel know I can buy more bagels.
Ask for help
I think this twin thing is somewhat impossible. I have had to ask for help far more than every before. One morning after getting almost no sleep I texted our neighbour (who I barely know) and asked if she could walk Isaac to school. She did. I texted people I don't know super well and asked if Isaac or Lilah could have play dates at their house. When people were at my house I would ask them to get in the laundry or make me some food. People like being helpful and they like being asked. They can say no - but they mostly didn't.
Be nice to Isaac and Lilah - the upset moment is not the teachable one
Twins is a lot. Isaac and Lilah have done really well, but when they are tired they *are* more on edge. So am I. I am always on edge. I try to remind myself to approach them with kindness in the first instance. This morning they were up at 6am (their OK to wake clock is 6:30) and instead of stomping up and saying "Get back in bed it's too early!" I started with a morning cuddle for both of them. Then we picked a book together and I told them I was so excited to see them downstairs at 6:30. Did I have to go back upstairs 4 times in last 20 minutes to remind them to be quiet? Yes. Would I prefer they just stay in their room till 6:30 LIKE WE HAVE TOLD THEM TO DO FOREVER AND EVER? Yes! But in the interim, avoiding crying and "I want to go downstairs now" battles is a victory for this morning.
Anyway, my real point is that if things look all la-de-dah on this blog it is definitely not all easy peasy here. There are lots of compromises. I will look forward to being in a season of life where my floor is swept nightly, where laundry is put away daily, where the table isn't sticky in the morning. Right now I'm trying to remember what matters and ignore the rest - because as Kendra says, if Everything matters then Nothing matters.
PS - does matching pyjamas matter? Yes! Was this photo taken on valentines day? Not at all:
That photo is ADORABLE. I absolutely love your "naming what matters" philosophy. And that you are asking for help. I know I would LOVE to be asked for help, but I also know how hard it is to ASK, and I think you are making people feel needed and useful, which is a gift. (I found out that a neighbor -- whose name I don't even know! -- and his wife just had a baby. I would like nothing more than to go HELP them, but... again, we don't even know one another's names. Maybe if I see the husband out walking again I will give him my name and number in case they need anything.)
ReplyDeleteOne of our neighbors who we had barely spoken to dropped off dinner for us one night - they made us curry and then bought naan bread to go with it, plus gave us a huge box of cookies. It was so kind of them and I so appreciated it! I know it was probably a bit nerve wracking for them to cook for someone else, but I would say just buy some food if you don't want to cook for them and drop it at their door - I'm sure they will be super pleased!
DeleteI second this! I'm sure whatever you bring them will be so appreciated, plus it will help them feel more comfortable about asking for help down the line. Otherwise I think they may be too hesitant to take you up on your very genuine and well-intentioned offer. - Kat
DeleteThat is a good point! Lots of people offered help and it took me AGES to reach out to them - in fact not untill we were over the hardest times and I could see what help we needed. But *everyone* needs food so food really is help that I didn't know I needed to ask for...
DeleteIt is a very wise person who figures out that yes it's hard to ask for help BUT once you've asked the hard part is over - first of all you get the help and second of all people feel good about being asked. It's win-win!
ReplyDeleteWhether the photo was taken on Feb 14 or not doesn't matter - it's a cute Valentine's Day photo.
I need to print this out and post it in every room of my house to remind to prioritize the time I need, ask for help, let things go etc. Often I find myself cleaning up instead of making my own breakfast. 🤦🏼♀️ Good on you for focusing on what matters. - Kat
ReplyDeleteI realized if I clean up the lounge monday morning it will be the same (functional) dissaray on tuesday morning. Right now there's two dollies face down on the floor, a bouncer in the kitchen, and a pepper pig holiday van with 5 figurines upside down on the floor. Weirdly it's the same amount of chaos as yesterday but slightly different... so I'm glad I didn't use yesterdays morning to fix it!
DeleteOh goodness, I love this so much. Your priorities are right on the money, and good for you for asking for help. I think we all have people in our lives who would be more than willing to help if we would just ask. Also? Rachel time! YAY! So important for your physical and mental health, and for the health of your family as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I wish I could ask half my blog readers haha!
DeleteThat photo is super cute and I have no idea when you took it but it doesn't really matter! Your comments about Rachel time make me want to come help you clean the living room, as I know how you sometimes can't do it but don't want it there and you have warring inside your own head for things like that. I cannot pass an open drawer without closing it, even at work and I know that sometimes you have to prioritize but I feel your pain girl. I feel it.
ReplyDeleteAww thank you! I but I did eventually get the lounge clear, and it was a 10 minute job... I just did it not during Rachel Time :-)
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