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| Nora loves standing |
As alluded to previously, this November is so far tricky. Since I last posted on Sunday Isaac, Audrey, and I have had stomach bugs. In good news, Isaac can now reliably make it to the toilet when he needs to be sick! In bad news, three of the kids still cannot. So here are some random thoughts for a Friday.
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I've started wondering recently whether using my medium stress career as a "Me Time" break from my high stress parenting young children time is actually a good idea, or indeed sustainable at all. Perhaps taking a break from one year old twins by turning to large scale project management, and then straight from project management back to twins, is not actually the complimentary mental shift I hoped it would be.
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I found myself on mumsnet (an awful site for british mums to complain about things) googling when having four kids 6 and under gets easier and every mum on there with 3+ kids was a stay at home mum. Most of them had comments like "having 4 under 7 is really hard, but it gets so much easier when they go to school and you get some time to yourself!". Yes, I am sure being a stay at home mum of school age kids is a lot easier than being a stay at home mum of pre-school age kids. That doesn't really help me at all.
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Today I went to a local farmers market with the twins and had the following exchange:
Person: Oh wow, twins! Some people think twins are a kind of magic!
Me: do they?
Person: Yes, I studied anthropology and I remember a really interesting talk on twins and how different cultures think about twins in a magical way
Me: Yeah, people who don't have twins do seem really interested in twins.
<End Conversation>
Why was I being a jerk? That was really unnecessary. People do love to comment on twins though. On Saturday I took the twins and Lilah to the grocery store and at least three people stopped to say "Oh wow you have your hands full//twins//aren't they gorgeous//double trouble!". I guess it's fine, but also yes my hands are full. In fact, my hands are only 3/4 full when people see me with the twins and the four year old.
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There is a chance the babies are getting more teeth. Last night Audrey woke up sad at 2am. Isaac had a nightmare at 3am. Nora was sad at 4am. I am very tired today. I sometimes wonder if part of the babies good sleep is that I am actually so tired I can sometimes sleep through active baby sadness. Not the first wake up, or the second, but by the third I only woke up because Andy was getting Nora some water.
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Office Ladies Podcast ended and I really love the line at the end of the Office "I wish there was a day to know you were in the good old days before you left them".
The problem is, I always think I am in the good times. I always wonder if this is the time I'll look back on as the good times. I said that when Lilah was a baby, during the Covid lockdowns, but then it turned out that was definitely not the good times. I wondered that last year with the newborn twins... what if that was the good times? Now I can definitely say it was not. Our two year working holiday to the USA was the good times, and we knew it. The first year at my old job was a great time. The first year at my new job (also having no one under 2 years old for a year) was also good times. I definitely knew all of those times were good times when they happened, so I guess that's good? And if this turns out to be the good times then... well... the good times were hard.
Oh man, you have your hands full (haha, joke!) My Mom is a twin and they are the oldest (of four), and I always thought that it was good because they already had a playmate and could keep each other occupied, but to be honest, I never asked my grandmother about how hard it was raising them! You ladies make it seem easy, even though I know it is not.
ReplyDeleteI really hope that everyone gets over the sickness, you get some sleep and very soon you will be looking back at this week as something in your rear view mirror. I don't know if this is possible, but could you have the nanny come one extra day and then you are not alone with babies on one of your home days? Or would they still be bugging you? I am guessing they would, so maybe I just answered my own question.
Ahh thanks Kyria! My grandma also had twins (my mom) but I never thought to ask her about it either and unfortunately it's too late now. Although twins were her second and third child and she didn't have any more, so I think that probably says something.
DeleteUnfortunatley our nanny can only do three days with us. I so wish she could do more. But we are actually looking into hiring a second nanny for two days a week. Which of course brings its own hiring and logistical stress... but may hopefully make things easier if it works!
Speaking of having your hands full, people also say "I don't know how you do it" and I think of you getting the same comment on your riding adventures. You just do it!
A friend and I always say the reason Moms like us (working full time at non-content generation jobs) don’t exist online is because they don’t have time to generate content about how busy their lives are and complain on message boards! They are just out there doing it! I recently attended a retreat with other professional Moms who had more goals in life outside their families and it was refreshing! I don’t know many people in real life like that.
ReplyDeleteI also feel my job is a little like a vacation from parenting, ha! I am currently an individual contributor on my team and do not think management is for me (tried it in a temporary role and happy to be back). I spend most of my days alone, interacting very little, so when I return home, I am in a small way refreshed and (almost) ready to tackle parenthood. My husband is a teacher and teaching drains him the same way parenting does so he arrives home completely depleted and not able to contribute much to family life. I think most literature does not acknowledge this balance and is the reason two working parent households is so difficult. It’s not like we are at a spa when we are working, forcing us to be always “on”. I don’t know what the answer is (aside from every family needing a “housewife” in addition to 2 working parents?).
Did you go to BLPA Live or is there another planning retreat with professional moms and goals? Because that sounds amazing!
DeleteInteresting about people and being drained. I do so much meeting with people in my current role and I'm wondering if I would enjoy an individual contributor role more - because I feel like my whole day with kids is interrupt driven (because kids) and then my workday is interrupt driven (because project management / meetings / followup) and I wonder if my brain just needs some quiet. I do love interacting with people though, but perhaps the similarity in my daily flow is the problem.
And yes, every family needs a housewife to support two working parents.
This product is amazing. I used it at the first signs of teething and never had any issues https://www.camilia.com/
ReplyDeleteThe first 18 months with twins is really hard. Once they start walking you’ll be in a new phase. Like everything with kids things are a phase and some things get easier but also new challenges!
Yay for Isaac managing himself!
As a boy/girl twin mom, I’m interested in other twin combinations. It is fascinating but as a twin mom it’s also hard having people comment every time you go out. And most of the time when you’re out with twin babies is not the time you will be feeling ready to engage in deep and meaningful conversation!
I'm glad I have another twin mom reader! We are really keen for the walking stage because getting from A to B anywhere is so tricky. Unfolding a double pram to get from a car park into a play group is annoying in a world where I could normally carry one baby 10 feet in my arms.
DeleteI do understand the fascination with twins, sometimes I'm just a bit worse at being nice about it. I realize they are interesting and cute. I also find it funny that no one ever asks if I have two girls, usually they say "is it two boys?" or "oh boy girl?" I know we have boy-y outfits but usually they're in something with a bit of floral. It's interesting to me how everyone defaults to male.. although we do joke that Audrey looks like a boy sometimes so we probably don't help!
Glad to know it's the first 18 months. Maybe we'll have to plan a mini celebrating for making it to 18 months.
I work very part time, from home, and have only ONE child who is already eleven, and Rachel: YOU ARE KILLING IT.
ReplyDelete"I've started wondering recently whether using my medium stress career as a "Me Time" break from my high stress parenting young children time is actually a good idea, or indeed sustainable at all. Perhaps taking a break from one year old twins by turning to large scale project management, and then straight from project management back to twins, is not actually the complimentary mental shift I hoped it would be." <--- This made me laugh out loud and also want to give you a big hug.
I don't actually think your response to that anthropologist was jerky, it was matter-of-fact, and also do you really need someone stopping you while shopping with baby twins to tell you how fascinating twins are? Read the room, buddy.
Aww thank you! I know I am arguably doing really well at all the things, but also I just sometimes wonder if there was a way to do 1/2 as well and just have it be twice as easy. My husband and I often wonder how bad parents raise kids. I mean do they find it easy?
DeleteI can cot understand what all this means as I have no kid. I can only be in awe how you handle it and you live on such a sleep level. I am sure it will get easier and I sorry you can not find any good resources and peers.
ReplyDeleteAww thank you! I do appreciate your thoughts and comments. I don't want to be a "having kids is so hard" poster the time, but it's the stage I'm in, and lots of other stuff is also hard for other people that thankfully I don't have to experience not.
Delete*now
DeleteRe: the good ol' times. Agree 100%. I thought when L was born and it was just me and her at the house day after day, it was hard. Now I remember that time with tenderness, thinking to myself how lovely it was to just take care of that one baby who was a good sleeper! She slept through from 1 month old! Then we had R and welp, not at all the same.
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