This put my brain on a whirly thought spiral... maybe I need to be putting out kids activities for my little ones the night before? why does her morning seem so relaxed and she nurses a baby and works out before starting her job at 9am. I'm on maternity leave and I only work out three times a week at the most. Am I just rubbish?
This was a somewhat unusual thought process for me. Usually I think we are doing pretty well for having the age and quantify of children that we do.
I started thinking more about the guest's morning. Her kids get dressed by themselves to a timer at 8am. Mine don't do that... but also we don't always have to be out of the house at 8am. Sometimes we leave for school at 8:40. Sometimes 7:50. I like the flexibility to leave when we want to, and when feels good for us. My kids can get dressed by themselves (with reminders from us). That's not bad for a 5 and 3 year old.
The guest's habit of putting out activities for kids is a great idea and totally necessary for little kids. I would do this too if I had younger kids. Right now my kids can come downstairs and entertain themselves, and that's awesome. I don't need to set out their crafts, they chose what to play with.*
Cooked breakfasts are great. We do them sometimes. We do cereal other times. It's fine.
And as for the quiet time and workout? It's awesome that her baby sleeps till 6:30am. This morning I spent my Rachel time (which was at 5am, after the twins 4:30am feed) trying to find a pedicure appointment that fit around childcare and twin feeding. I spent half an hour doing this. If I wanted to meditate and have quiet time I could have done that instead. And I went for a run at 5:40, which is when it got light! [As an aside, my last run was last Thursday and I am half way through an 8 week couch to 5k program that I started 3 months ago. If I only read my blog and didn't live my life I would think I was out running all the time. I am not out running all the time].
Anyways, my end thought was that it's great hearing how other people do work and life and kids. And that other peoples choices are great for them, and often are made to suit their needs. My choices are here to suit my needs. When my needs change, my choices will change. And also, I am only ever seeing a snapshot of someones life. I should know this isn't the whole picture since I am literally writing a blog that is a snapshot of my own life.
I don't post on the hard days, because I don't have the energy, and because hard days are busy. I often do some google searching on the hard days, asking when twins get easier, or sleeping questions, or just google questions. One thing I've recently discovered on my googling is that very few people write blogs which say "oh just enjoy your 6 month old twins! Time goes so fast! It's a great age! I wish I could go back there!" Many people say twins get easier at 6 months. or one year. or two years. or survive till 5. Even people with older twins seem to look back on this period with fondness... but a fondness that comes from not wanting to do it again.
*one of the kids favourite morning activities is dressing up with costumes. Here is a 6:45am Isaac creation:
I literally burst out laughing at that costume. All he needs now is a creepy mermaid in his hand...just sayin'
ReplyDeleteTo all the rest of this post. AMEN. I try to show various facets of my life online (within reason) and be honest and transparent about what works and what doesn't, but of course we all put our best face forward! I think it's so hard to remember that we are the "woman across the room"* to someone else. It's hard to stay in our lane and feel content with what we're doing but, in reality, we all have things that work well for us...and things that don't. I am NOT a morning person. It doesn't matter how much I try to fit working out and meditation into the early mornings, it just doesn't suit me. I'm miserable and feel nauseous the rest of the day. And yet I continue to still occasionally (thankfully less than before) struggle with feeling less-than because I am not productive and aggressively loathe mornings when all the "best" people kick butt before 5 am.
Again, such a thoughtful and engaging post. And now I'm off to listen to that podcast episode!
*You always look at the woman across the room. And you think, “The woman across the room is so confident, and so put together, and so on.” But that woman is looking at you. And for her, you are the woman across the room.*
I love the woman across the room quote! I couldn't remember the full story - thanks for including it. so true!
DeleteI think that early mornings are sort of "en vogue" right now... but there is such merit to knowing you are a night owl or just not a morning person. I think this is why I like Laura Vanderkam's work so much - she doesn't argue that we all need to have the right schdule or hit life hard in the mornings. I feel like her work is more about making life/schedules work for us.
I hope you enjoyed the podcast - I thought it was an interesting interview. It made me want to be further up in my career so I could set some better parameters on my own work time.
Listen, I love hearing about people who get up early and do a ton of stuff as much as the next person. However for me personally I'm satisfied with *just* working out, taking the puppy out, and hopefully getting a few minutes of "Birchie" time before work starts. It's "a day in the life" not "every day in the life" and just sayin' that possibly there are days when the baby doesn't sleep until 6:30 and maybe just maybe there isn't time to cook breakfast and organize a bunch of activities.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to say it but since Elisabeth did...yes Issac's costume needs a mermaid as a finishing touch.
"It's "a day in the life" not "every day in the life"
DeleteOMG amen to this! Thank you! I sometimes forget this. It is true she may not have a magic 6:30 baby every day. Very good point.
Mermaid is still lost on top of the fridge. You do have a valid point though...
A lot to unpack here. I am up before kids but only for about 30 minutes - my contractual time is at 7:30 so If I'm up at 5:30, I have to get myself and them ready by 6:45.
ReplyDeletePutting activities out. My kids do exactly what your kids do- if want to do a puzzle, they drag it out and do it. If they want to play with dolls, just take the basket and do it. There is no "putting" anything out in our house.
Breakfast - I do like a hot oatmeal (grew up with it), they can have cereal on weekends only since the kids were developing kind of a little addition where R was throwing tantrums on days he did not get cereal. Yep.
Also, you have TWINS. It's a completely different ball game.
Thanks Daria! 6:45 would be so early for us, even though we are early birds. I think it's lovely the kids play together and probably way easier than setting things out for them.
DeleteWe had the same with cereal! We had to cut back on it because it was like a weird obsession. We don't even do sugar cereals but the kids wanted it every day and started cry and shout when they didn't get cereal. Now we usually rotate oatmeal, toast, baked oatmeal, eggs, and then sometimes cereal.
Thanks for the support :-)
I get caught in this trap, too. It's so nice to look at someone else's curated-for-the-medium life and think "that sounds ideal!" But often when I look at the logistics behind it, it just wouldn't work for my life! Like... I would LOVE to have Family Dinners Every Night. I would love that! So many people do it, there's all sorts of research about how it's so good for families and togetherness and teaching values and manners and conversation etc etc etc. But to accomplish daily family dinners, I would have to make cooking a Top Priority each day, which I don't want to do. And/or I would have to cull my kid's extra curriculars. And/or I would have to wait until we were all home and ready to eat, which would be around 8:00 or 9:00 and would mean my kid wouldn't get to bed until late late late and it's just not workable for my family. There's no reason for me to feel bad about that, or inferior to families who make it work.
ReplyDeleteThis is all to say, I admire your point about choices being made to suit an individual's needs. SO TRUE.
By the way, do you read Swistle's blog? She has twins and I have read through her entire archive at least three times because I find it so soothing and real and funny and warm. Here's her first post, when the twins were just over a year old: https://www.swistle.com/2006/09/06/whodini/
Thank you! I always assumed you cooked amazing daily family dinners. I always look forward to your lovely food plans. I bet it's so tricky to find time for dinner when kids start having PM activities too. And although you are right on the research about dinner etc I do feel like there should be studies on families who *mostly* eat dinner together but sometimes don't because of extra curricular activities or one parent working late, because I feel that's way different than families who just don't eat together for other values reasons. Perhaps valuing family dinner gets 90% of the benefit, even if you don't do it every day.
DeleteI had not seen that blog but I like it! I will have to poke around it more - thank you! I don't really follow any twin blogs (maybe I have enough twins lol) but I should find more as it is nice to read others experiences (not moderated by my google questions du jour)
Okay, I really feel like if I still had little kids that section of the episode would have been rather triggering for me too. Overall a great episode but that part was a little.. far fetched. I’m not saying she was lying, but perhaps we heard the VERY best version of how those mornings/days go. Most of that sounded nothing like the $hitshow that occurred many days around here when mine were little. lol. You’re doing absolutely amazing. Don’t even worry about it! Don’t compare yourself to an hypothetical morning described by a stranger on a podcast. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kae! Yes I think that's the feeling I had. I was totally fine and really enjoying the interview and right after that part I just felt... less than. I guess I don't even feel like I have a "normal" morning right now, I'm currently repsponding to blog posts at 6:20am with breakfast in the oven. Yesterday I was staring at Audrey asking why she was awake so early. The day before Andy and I were scrounging cereal for kids breakfast. Whenever people say "oh I wake up and nurse at 6:30 I just wonder how their nursing babies know to wait till 6:30!
DeleteThanks for the encouragement! I love reading about your stage of life as it looks super fun and I am sure is closer than it feels right now.
I’m interested in French culture and their eating habits, and overall, it’s very interesting the way people in different countries live their lives. Does it make a difference in the long run how you organize your mornings? We used have a stable routine because we all had to leave at the same time. Now everyone leaves at different times. The important thing is the connection in your family, and there’s not just one way to achieve that. We are all different - most of these blogs seem to be from moms who are naturally early risers, and so they are wired to be productive at this time.
ReplyDeleteFor the twins, I came out of survival mode around 12 months. Will yours go to daycare? A real problem for me during the first 18 months or so was childhood infections. Then once they start to walk it becomes easier in one sense, but it’s not the same as having two kids of different ages. It’ll also depend on the personalities of your twins. One of mine was a “runner” so it was not easy to go out alone with the two of them, as it was very hard to keep an eye on both of them.
Totally agree with the fond memories of the baby stage of twins - I’d only like to go back if I had my future self knowledge in hand so that I could enjoy it!
I keep thinking we are close to the easier times.. but I'm also terrified of the 18 month old times! Two moving twins... how will we manage?
DeleteOurs will not go to daycare - we are hiring a nanny. My son was SO ILL for the first year of nursery. My daughter was pretty ill but I was more prepared for it... and she started in September 2021 so we were all super ill for a year to catch up on all the missed covid bugs so I didn't notice as much. Now the kids are pretty healthy but I imagine they are still bringing home school and nursery bugs which the babies are around, so I'm *hoping* this will kick start the immune system some.
I am hoping one year will be a bit of a reprieve. I wouldn't say I'm in survival mode anymore, but by 4pm every day I often feel I'm on a sinking ship till bedtime. Maybe 4pm to 6:30pm won't be so fear-inducing when they're one...?
I really appreciate the twin mom perspective - thank you!
DeleteI can definitely relate to your googling, though most of mine is related to my toddler and has the general theme of "when do toddlers become less nuts?". 😅 - Kat
ReplyDeleteAhhhh...that costume! He's ready for Halloween already!
ReplyDeleteI love Isaac's costume. Creativity at it's best.
ReplyDeleteThis line of yours is spot on: I don't post on the hard days, because I don't have the energy, and because hard days are busy.
I am sure the guest on the podcast has her moments, but that is not what she is portraying on this particular day. We all have our ups and downs and like you said, it is so much easier to communicate (post, do an interview) when we are having a good day, and it is sunny and the babies are asleep. I just had a few days of rain in a row and when on the bike and camping, it is miserable. I barely got my camera out because it is miserable and it is wet and I don't want to get anything that is dry wet, especially my camera. So it is undocumented. But it happened! And shit happens! I do think that we try not to always be complaining, but we do have to be real!