Morning drama at the gym.

Here is a rant incoming!

This morning I was working out at the gym with my gym buddy (as in, my friend from University who I have been gymming with since 2012).  He was setting up his wide armed pull up while I was failing to do a normal pull up (or even a jump and slowly lower)

While gym buddy went to get more weights, a trainer from the gym came and asked if he was training me

"definitely not!" I said "we have been gym buddies for years"

"well it looks like he's training you" said the trainer

"I can assure you he is my gym buddy.  He has trained for 15 years while I've had four kids.  He is much stronger than me"

"the thing is" said the trainer "we have trainers who pay to train here so he can't train you"

"he's not my trainer.  He's my friend" I said

At this point, gym buddy came back. the gym trainer told him he couldn't train me.  We both insisted he wasn't training me.  We asked him to leave us alone, but I was really angry at this point. 

Gyms are generally not safe spaces that encourage women, and I assume he came to harass me because I was one of the only women in the rack area at the time?  Certainly the only late thirties mom of four in the rack area.

Would we have been told we were breaking rules if I was with a girlfriend?  Or is it because was working out with a super strong dude?

I asked the trainer for his name so I could write a letter of complaint.  He asked why I was upset and I told him that I get to go to the gym once a week with my gym buddy and it's upsetting that he spent 10 minutes of that arguing with us.  his response? "Yeah yeah you have kids whatever".  He then proceeded with:

"Well you need to listen to my side now because that's what a conversation is, and if you want to have a conversation you need to listen to me"

At that point I went back to training, but I felt intensely uncomfortable for the rest of the workout.  

I could not explain to the trainer man how incredibly infuriating it is that when women enter men's spaces - such as the free weights section of the gym - it's so quickly noticed.  How targeting me tells me that I am the "other" and that my presence needs to be accompanied by a trainer.  That it would be impossible for two people, for a woman and a strong man, to train together as friends.

I looked around me and saw so many men.  There are two older men who train together who asked what is wrong.

I couldn't answer "the patriarchy" or "feeling excluded from this space because I've I have boobs"

I told them my friend has been accused of training me and we all laughed.

Those two trained together all the time and have never been told they were training each other.

There were women in the gym.  Most women were alone, following programs on their phones.  

My gym buddy asked the gym to clarify, and they said that it looked like he was training me, and it was a situation they had been monitoring.  They noted that he could no longer give me any instruction, or guidance.  

Since my main reason for going to the gym is to see the gym buddy I am not really clear on how this will work.  Can I do the same sport as him? Can I work out after him on the same equipment? Can he pass weights to me as I've seen lots gym buddies do for each other?  Are we allowed to talk? Are we allowed to talk about workouts? Am I allowed to ask what his next excercise is?

I know I should figure out how to complain, but maybe the corporate gym world is just too big and too scary and too full of men unhappy that a woman isn't paying them to tell them what to do.  

The problem with injustice, as minor as this one is in the big scheme of things, is it can be quite profitable for many.