It's a Sunday again! This week had some definite highs and some lows. Let's dive right in, shall we?
Reading:
I finished The Wedding People by Alison Espach and I LOVED it. It was a book that was so good I wanted to read it slowly. I want to hang out with the characters longer. I want to go to a fancy hotel. It was such a dark premise and then... joy. MMD review here for more info.
I have so many holds for which I am first in line for BUT I didn't time it right because I wanted to read The Rom-Commers by Catherine Center and I had pushed that hold forward too much. I would also read The Blue Bistro by Elin Hildebrand or The Stand In by Lily Chu, both of which I am first in line for. But when I finished The Wedding People I was still first in line for all! Then a copy of The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez came through, which I started, but it feels too late summer for "he loves/she loves". When I checked Libby today my copy of The Rom-Commers was ready and so I will hopefully finish both books in the next 21 days since they both have a lot of holds. Libby hold balancing/planning is hard!
Sports
This week was not a sports week.
Monday: 20 minutes yoga
Wednesday: Totally awful trip to the gym.
Thursday: 20 minute run
I don't have enough childcare to do sports right now. Our nanny started this week for two days, but it's primarily for settling in. And the babies are... unsettled. I am unsettled. Lilah is still in nursery some days, but Isaac is home all days, and it is all unsettling. Also it was a full moon last week! And I felt terrible. Wednesday was the most unsettling. Thursday and friday were entirely childcare days. I don't even have baby naps now to do sport because I have Isaac on Thursday and all kids on Friday.
Also the gym confrontation has really knocked me back. I haven't decided what to do about it. But some other pieces that have bothered me since the event (where a trainer at the gym accused my friend of training me - blog here) have registered as follows:
- Why did the trainer not ask my gym buddy if he was training me?
- Why did he wait to catch me alone (while my friend was getting his weights)?
- Why did he assume I wanted a trainer or to be trained at all?
- Why did he feel it was OK to be aggressive to me but not to my (male) friend?
- Why did he do this in front of everyone at the gym, such that so many people saw the interaction and strangers even asked me what happened? Was it to make me extra uncomfortable?
I also realized that for the last month I always felt like people were watching me, but I always told myself I was being silly.... that I deserved to be in the free weights space as much as anyone else. That even though I was doing "dude" exercises it was OK and I was allowed. And that people were probably just minding their own business and it was all in my head. Apparently... I was being watched. It wasn't in my head. And I just feel... embarrassed.
Mostly I feel profoundly uncomfortable about ever going back there. My friend says we should go as we haven't done anything wrong. He thinks that by *not* going they will think they "caught" us or that we were doing something wrong. But I don't think I have the resilience for this right now.
Also, my friend feels very complimented (as he should be!) that gym workers think he is a trainer, since he is actually a small business owner. I think I feel equally crappy that gym workers look at me and think "she looks like she wants a trainer".
Anyways, I want to do more Peloton workouts and running. I need to get out of my head more. Hopefully this week.
It is an unsettling time of year as we do all the transition - seasons, school/no school, etc. It's just all out of whack and I've decided to embrace it instead of fighting it. But I'm a big talker and hate it just as much as anyone else when my routines are broken.
ReplyDeleteDO NOT READ The Friend Zone. RED ALERT. I have rarely been so angry over women's health not being taken seriously as I was at the end of that book. IRATE. Skip it and read one of the other books that came in.
Oh thank you for the warning! I have really enjoyed some recent Abby Jimenez (namely Just for the Summer) but haven't rated some of her other books as much... thanks for the fair warning! I'll skip this series now - I have a feeling this theme would make me super irate too.
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ReplyDeleteGiven that much of your life is in flux right now and you're still doing a lot of childcare, the last thing you need is to be in spaces that make you feel uncomfortable. You deserve to be in spaces that make you feel GOOD during your limited free time. So what if the evil gym thinks your staying away for a while confirms their (unfounded) suspicions? Please be kind to yourself. You don't have to torture yourself to make a point. Sometimes, you can let people think whatever they think and just tend to your own needs. Love you. -rachel
ReplyDeleteOh man, Rachel wisdom is 100%! "Sometimes, you can let people think whatever they think and just tend to your own needs." How do I forget this?
Deletealso one time I was complaining about something and you said "people are not always consistent in their beliefs" and I was like MIND BLOWN and I think about that often because people don't have to be consistent and it took twenty something Rachel No. 1 to make me realize this and then not be annoyed.
Thank you for the rachel knowledge!
Haha, I don't remember the specific instance of saying that people aren't always consistent, but I stand by it. Wish I could follow my own advice more often though...understanding something intellectually does not, unfortunately, make one immune from emotional reactions. Sigh... -rachel
DeleteI totally get that the gym experience unsettled you and I don't think you're overthinking this. These questions are all legit... and even though I agree that you didn't do anything wrong and should be able to go back, I also understand that you don't want to deal with the situation right now. You do what's best for you!
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